Tuesday night's "Glee" episode, "Hold On to Sixteen," worked overtime to wrap up as many season-three plot points as possible before next week's Christmas episode. Finn was back to his peacemaking ways, convincing Sam to return from his stripper life in Kentucky to fill in for a suspended Rachel in the sectionals. Plus, he finally addressed his jealousy with Blaine, who showed a bit of unexpected juicehead rage before ultimately accepting Finn's apology.
With Rachel's help, Quinn finally came to her senses and dropped her sinister plot to expose Shelby as a student-humper. New Directions beat the rival Troubletones and convinced their former friends to rejoin the original Glee club. And Mike Chang's father finally accepted him.
Tuesday's "Glee" had all that and another devilish appearance from Warbler Sebastian, who, according to rival Kurt, "smells like Craigslist."
All that plot, and you can understand why this week's musical "Glee-"cap has more lyrics than Kurt has asymmetrical sweaters. So take a gander at the funky new "Glee"-cap in the embedded video and sing along with these lyrics. Try to keep up!
[parody of "Welcome Back" by John Sebastian]
"Glee" wasn't the same without your abs around
You're broke, not a joke, with your trousers down
Finn saw your thing when he arrived in town
But he's already seen it
Back when you showered near him!
Oh, you tried to leave "Glee," but nobody hired thee
Welcome back, Homeless Sam, welcome back!
Welcome back Trouty Mouth, welcome back!
[80's-style funk song kicks in]
"Glee" wrapped up all its season-three plotlines
But it's only episode eight
They squeezed so much into an hour's time
There's too much on my recap plate.
Sam and Finn show up
And sing about a solo cup
And it was total what-the-f---?
But so much win!
Sam wants the boys to sell sex
Blaine's all, "No, NEXT!"
All roid-ragey when he screams at Finn ...
Tina went to Papa Chang
And said, "There's no need to harangue!
Your son is a performer
So accept it, you!"
In the end he's there
Mike sees him sitting in a chair
Like Lauryn Hill's mother in "Sister Act 2."
New Directions win the sectionals
An endless Jackson medley puts them in the zone
When Blaine rocked Janet, oh, I couldn't tell
If he was singing or passing a kidney stone.
Blaine sang, "I wanna be the one in control,"
See? He's the top!
Top singer! [wink]
Eventually the Troubletones
Quit their whining and their moans
Re-join New Directions and they're all in sync.
But back when they were rivals
They did songs about survival
Mercedes danced like a banshee
You bettah werk
Evil Quinn gets put to sleep
And then squashes her Shelby beef
Status quo! No foes!
Except this jerk.
Ugh to that Sebastian
Who is tryin'a get his hands all in
Another man's pants
No wonder Kurt's pissed
Blaine can't stand him either
When he gets up, leaves his seat
The claws come out,
"Pause your mouth, you smell like Craigslist."
What did you think of this week's "Glee"? Tell us in the comments!