'Glee'-Cap: Goodbye Evil Quinn, Hello (Again) Sam!

'Hold On to Sixteen' episode attempts to wrap up as many season plot points as possible before next week's Christmas show.

Tuesday night's "Glee" episode, "Hold On to Sixteen," worked overtime to wrap up as many season-three plot points as possible before next week's Christmas episode. Finn was back to his peacemaking ways, convincing Sam to return from his stripper life in Kentucky to fill in for a suspended Rachel in the sectionals. Plus, he finally addressed his jealousy with Blaine, who showed a bit of unexpected juicehead rage before ultimately accepting Finn's apology.

With Rachel's help, Quinn finally came to her senses and dropped her sinister plot to expose Shelby as a student-humper. New Directions beat the rival Troubletones and convinced their former friends to rejoin the original Glee club. And Mike Chang's father finally accepted him.

Tuesday's "Glee" had all that and another devilish appearance from Warbler Sebastian, who, according to rival Kurt, "smells like Craigslist."

All that plot, and you can understand why this week's musical "Glee-"cap has more lyrics than Kurt has asymmetrical sweaters. So take a gander at the funky new "Glee"-cap in the embedded video and sing along with these lyrics. Try to keep up!

[parody of "Welcome Back" by John Sebastian]

Welcome back

"Glee" wasn't the same without your abs around

You're broke, not a joke, with your trousers down

Finn saw your thing when he arrived in town

But he's already seen it

Back when you showered near him!

Oh, you tried to leave "Glee," but nobody hired thee

Welcome back,

Welcome back, Homeless Sam, welcome back!

Welcome back Trouty Mouth, welcome back!

[80's-style funk song kicks in]

"Glee" wrapped up all its season-three plotlines

But it's only episode eight

They squeezed so much into an hour's time

There's too much on my recap plate.

Sam and Finn show up

And sing about a solo cup

And it was total what-the-f---?

But so much win!

Sam wants the boys to sell sex

Blaine's all, "No, NEXT!"

All roid-ragey when he screams at Finn ...

Tina went to Papa Chang

And said, "There's no need to harangue!

Your son is a performer

So accept it, you!"

In the end he's there

Mike sees him sitting in a chair

Like Lauryn Hill's mother in "Sister Act 2."

New Directions win the sectionals

An endless Jackson medley puts them in the zone

When Blaine rocked Janet, oh, I couldn't tell

If he was singing or passing a kidney stone.

Blaine sang, "I wanna be the one in control,"

See? He's the top!

Wait, stop!

Top singer! [wink]

Eventually the Troubletones

Quit their whining and their moans

Re-join New Directions and they're all in sync.

But back when they were rivals

They did songs about survival

Mercedes danced like a banshee

You bettah werk

Evil Quinn gets put to sleep

And then squashes her Shelby beef

Status quo! No foes!

Except this jerk.

Ugh to that Sebastian

Who is tryin'a get his hands all in

Another man's pants

No wonder Kurt's pissed

Blaine can't stand him either

When he gets up, leaves his seat

The claws come out,

"Pause your mouth, you smell like Craigslist."


What did you think of this week's "Glee"? Tell us in the comments!