‘Glee’-Cap: Kurt Embraces His Inner Unicorn

But does he really have to face off against boyfriend Blaine for the lead in the play?

“Glee” was back to its identity-crisis ways Tuesday, switching up ages, story lines and emotions in the latest episode, “I Am Unicorn.” But why talk about it when we can sing about it? To the musical “Glee”-cap!

I wish “Glee” made up its mind
They change the rules and it’s unkind
Ryan Murphy first told the press that Blaine’s older
But now he is a year behind

It’s hard to keep my bearings straight
And oh, how it makes my heart ache
Kurt and Blaine were gonna move to New York together
But now they’ll have to wait

F— you, “Glee,” this makes no sense
You’re messing with my Klaine and I’m incensed
Now they’re rivals for the lead in the play
If only Kurt can tone down the gay

No way!

Screw you, “Glee,” why hurt your fans?
I need a Ph.D. in bullsh– to understand
The show can’t be fantasy
While also grounded in harsh reality
That means a battle over custody
Doesn’t appeal to me

Just sayin’

Another chorus has begun
Sugar’s dad supplies the funds
Don’t get too attached, you know what’ll happen
By November she’ll be gone
[cough] Charice [cough]

We are Gleeks, we see it all!
You can’t pull a fast one between spring and fall
Last year Bieste talked gender themes
Now she’s laughing at Kurt for being a queen — puh-leaze!

Damn you, “Glee,” in the end you’re right
The big music numbers shined oh so bright
Rachel singing with her estranged mom
Holy crap, look at his arms!

Kurt’s audition’s full of charm
And so plucky!
He’s a bendable son of a gun
Blaine’s so lucky!

I get it, “Glee” writers, you need conflict
Just make it consistent and I’ll give a sh–
One last request: Make Shelby go away

Entitled Gleek!

What did you think of the latest “Glee”? Let us know in the comments below — no singing required!