It was Elton John week on "American Idol," which meant the most contemporary song performed was from 1983. The top 11, including a newly saved and shaved Casey Abrams, mostly warbled ballads, making Wednesday night's two-hour episode feel as "samey" as Elton's musical output of late.
(For an even zippier recap of the week's "Idol" insanity, hit play on the embedded video below for Jim Cantiello's "American Idol" in 60 Seconds recap.)
Pia lied to America when she promised an uptempo song this week, while Stefano lulled America to sleep with dreams of being held by Tony Danza.
Naima confused America with a new dialect, leaving millions of viewers wondering if a stereotypical Jamaican accent done by an African-American is still racist.
Then, Jacob was reprimanded for being over-dramatic onstage so he reacted the way any drama queen would: renting a smoke machine and pretending to weep. Sorry seems to be the hardest word, indeed!
Scotty sang for his memaw. Thia sang for her brother. But Haley Reinhart sang for her supper, ferociously taking a bite out of "Bennie and the Jets" and spitting it out with a succulent hissssss.
Oh, and James Durbin torched a piano.
Thursday night's results show was like a never-ending awkward group number — chock-full of half-rehearsed collaborations that revealed the cliques in the cast. Sorry, Jacob Lusk and li'l country boy Scotty, you aren't invited to the dorm-room band from hell that is Paul McDonald, James, Casey and Stefano, dwarfed by a normal-size keyboard.
Fantasia stopped by to debut her new single, "Collard Greens and Cornbread," then Jamie Foxx, will.i.am and four thousand Six Flags performers danced around to "Hot Wings."
Ultimately, the meal ticket ended for Thia "Dead Air" Megia and Naima "Boom Fire" Adedapo ... continuing "American Idol" 's disturbing Lady-Singer Massacre of 2011.
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