Jim Cantiello's [article id="1486475"]"American Idol"[/article] in 60 Seconds recaps have been an institution at MTV News since Sanjaya's Reign of Terror. But sometimes, the lightning-quick pace moves by so fast, you occasionally miss a joke, comment or sight gag. So, as a courtesy to our loyal watchers, we're publishing the full script of Jim's latest recap. Check out the embedded video to catch the first "Idol in 60 Seconds" of season 10.
Hey guys, MTV News "American Idol" expert Jim Cantiello here with everything you need to know about this week's "Idol" in 60 seconds.
This week, season 10 finally kicked off and everyone was excited ... except for those two. [Shot of Jimmy Iovine and Berry Gordy as the lone sitting ducks in an audience packed with screaming people on their feet.]
The top 13 performed songs from their personal idols, which included two dudes who were accused of raping children [Jacob Lusk tackled R. Kelly, Thia Magia worshipped Michael Jackson], one former heroin addict [Paul McDonald's Ryan Adams homage] and Celine Dion?! Ugh!
But this ain't your grandma's "Idol." Jimmy Iovine was added to the show to make the songs sound contemporary!
[Clip of the lame lite-jazz arrangement Thia Megia was saddled with.]
Oh, but we have a new judging panel. They brought their A-game, right?!
[Clip of J. Lo saying pitch doesn't matter, clip of Steven Tyler name-checking International Women's Day for no reason.]
[Jim is disappointed.] This is the remix?!
It wasn't all a wash, though. Paul McDonald did his best Gollum impression. Casey Abrams got high ... praises. And admit it: You totally loved watching those two teenagers cry. [Shots of Lauren Alaina and Thia Megia fighting back tears.]
But my favorite was Naima, who proved with "Umbrella" that she can dance ... sort of, and she can rap ... sort of, and she can sing ... sor— OK, two out of three ain't bad.
On Wednesday night's results show: Werrrrrk! [Shot of Jacob Lusk being fierce in the group number.]
[Clip: Pia Toscano sings the line, "I'm starting with a man in the mirror."]
She is?! Werrrrrk!
WERRRRRRRRRRRRK! [Shot of Adam Lambert performing "Aftermath."]
[Clip of Adam telling J. Lo, "So I want you to teach me how to dougie."]
OK, Adam, there's no need to lie.
"You're all safe except for you." [Shot of Karen Rodriguez's awkward bottom three placement.] "Just kidding, except not."
There's your bottom tres. There's your bottom two. And scene. [Shot of Ashthon weeping.]
Don't miss [article id="1658897"]"Idol Party Live"[/article] every Thursday on MTV.com, following the "American Idol" results show, for analysis, celebrity guests and even some karaoke — get in the conversation by tweeting with the hashtag #idolparty! In the meantime, get your "Idol" fix on MTV News' [article id="1486475"]"American Idol" page[/article], where you'll find all the latest news, interviews and opinions.