On Thursday night, “American Idol” revealed the remainder of the season 10 Top 24, a collection of singer/songwriters, balladeers, scatters, divas, perky teens and belters that will compete to become the heir to Lee DeWyze’s throne (perhaps he’s not the best example, but let’s move on).
Unlike previous seasons, this year’s crop of contenders is long on talent, short on sob stories — Chris Medina’s exit made sure of that. And while it’s probably too early to say this, we could be looking at the most-gifted field of singers in “Idol” history (or at least since the epochal third season). So it would probably benefit you to get to know the field before the cruel cut-downs begin.
And since we know you’re busy, we’ve decided to condense each contestant into a quick, 140-character bio, each ready to be cut-and-pasted into your very own Twitter feed. For your perusing pleasure, here’s our take on the “American Idol” top 24 — Twitterized. Because how else can you tell your Brett Loewensterns from your Clint Jun Gamboas?
Ashthon Jones: Big hair, bigger voice. Bears uncanny resemblance to young Beyoncé. Likes roller skating. Creative spelling of first name.
Brett Loewenstern: Bigger hair, even bigger collection of accessories. Is vaguely New Age-y. Also vaguely reminds us of a camp counselor.
Casey Abrams: This year’s token oddball. Makes goofy faces. Is actually pretty talented. Resembles Fozzie Bear, a ginger Screech, Mike D.
Clint Jun Gamboa: Twitchy karaoke champ with impressive arsenal of eyewear. Refuses to apologize for Jacee Badeaux dis. Rivers Cuomo-esque.
Haley Reinhart: Returning contestant who seems to have existed in some form on every “Idol” season ever. Raspy voiced.
Jacob Lusk: Prodigiously piped gospel singer. Makes amazing faces while singing. Sort of resembles Mushmouth. Always wears ties.
James Durbin: Rocker who recalls Adam Lambert. Made bold choice to tackle Sam Cooke classic. In desperate need of a bandana intervention.
Jordan Dorsey: Catty, cutthroat alpha male who adheres to the “I’m just here to win” mantra, probably to his detriment. Not a good teammate.
Jovany Barreto: Bulgy, libidinous crooner with smoove voice.
Wears much linen. Is here for the ladies. Has an amazing Twitter account.
Julie Zorilla: Poised, put-together pre-packaged entertainer.
Wears many dresses. Early favorite of J.Lo. Recalls every Disney princess.
Karen Rodriguez: Primping diva-in-training. Vowed to be first Latina “Idol” champ. Possesses the talent to do so, yet is not a guy, so …
Kendra Chantelle: Raspy-voiced powerhouse from Nashville.
Despite talent, may be outshined by other female singers. Has two first names.
Lauren Alaina: Young, bubbly judges’ favorite. Is strangely drawn to Steven Tyler. Dresses like she’s attending a Quinceañera at Dollywood.
Lauren Turner: Likable everywoman/singing maid. Much like Kendra Chantelle, may have trouble grabbing the spotlight. Impressive hair.
Naima Adedapo: Bewitching nu-soul singer with tricky last name.
Has large back tattoo, dreadlocks à la Crystal Bowersox. Is a real wild card.
Paul McDonald: Aptly named singer/songwriter who possesses very little flash, and yet, is a favorite. Might regret that rhinestone suit.
Pia Toscano: Talented singer whose name sounds like an Olive Garden entrée. Polished, performing-arts background, which explains a lot.
Rachel Zevita: Over-the-top stage baby with an attitude to match. Is an odd mix of Tatiana Del Toro and Siobhan Magnus, only so much more.
Robbie Rosen: Slightly gawky singer who somehow stole Billy Joel’s hair, circa Glass Houses. Transforms into confident loverman when singing.
Scotty McCreery: Throwback country crooner who is eternally twanging “Baby Lock Them Doors.” Would be super-famous in Nashville, 1985.
Stefano Langone: Booming singer who survived a near-fatal accident, and has the scars to prove it. Handsome, yet is sort of the Anti-Jovany.
TaTynisa Wilson: Big singer with creatively spelled first name.
Eternally poised on the verge of greatness, has yet to reach those heights.
Thia Megia: Ultra-young singer with voice, presence beyond her years. Last female to make the cut, yet could be considered a dark horse fave.
Tim Halperin: Everydude with appropriately bland name. Despite that fact, is handsome, which could make him shoo-in to win the whole thing.
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