Liam Neeson Speaks Out About Natasha Richardson's Death

'The weird thing about grief' is that 'you can't prepare for it,' actor tells Esquire.

In an emotionally raw new interview with

target="_blank">Esquire, Liam Neeson opens up about the sudden 2009 death of his wife, Natasha Richardson, delving into details about the aftermath of her skiing accident and speaking candidly about the grief that still consumes him.

Neeson, it seems, didn't plan on discussing his familial tragedy. "I'm too vulnerable," he tells the magazine at one point. "I can't go there."

But go there he does, explicating in great and harrowing detail, for example, the moment when he arrived at a Montreal hospital and struggled to locate his wife. "I'm like, 'F---, I know my wife's back there someplace,' " he said. "So I get there, just in time. And all these young doctors, who look all of eighteen years of age, they tell me the worst. The worst."

After the funeral, Neeson returned to Canada, where he'd been shooting the sexually charged thriller "Chloe." "I just think I was still in a bit of shock," he said. "But it's kind of a no-brainer to go back to that work. It's a wee bit of a blur, but I know the tragedy hadn't just really smacked me yet."

That wouldn't happen until later, and to hear Neeson tell it, the grief hasn't yet ebbed, even as he tries to stay busy and keep those emotions at bay.

"It's easy enough to plan jobs, to plan a lot of work. That's effective. But that's the weird thing about grief. You can't prepare for it. You think you're gonna cry and get it over with. You make those plans, but they never work," he said. "It hits you in the middle of the night — well, it hits me in the middle of the night. I'm out walking. I'm feeling quite content. And it's like suddenly, boom. It's like you've just done that in your chest."

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