'Jersey Shore' High Five: Ronnie Teaches Us How Not To Apologize

Sammi and Ronnie's relationship dies a 30-minute-long death in latest episode.

Ever wish you could watch a snuff film about the death of a relationship? You're in luck. Check out the embedded video to catch my five favorite moments of this week's intense "Jersey Shore."

5. Boardwalking

While blowing off steam on the boardwalk, Ronnie and Pauly D walked by Sammi and Deena. Turns out Sam's eyesight is as good as her taste in men: As Ronnie passes by with Pauly, Sammi asks Deena, "Was he with a girl? I think he was with a girl!"

Ok, OK, in Sammi's defense, Pauly D does look exactly like the sister from "Dinosaurs."

4. How Not to Apologize, Part I

It's been about two seconds since we've last watched Sammi and Ronnie rehash the crap that went down in Miami. Will the 9 millionth time be any different? Let's find out!

Sammi: "How could you sit there and look me in the face, watch me cry, lie to my face?"

Ron: "I have enough respect and love for you to f---ing admit what i did was f---ing wrong and is shameful and disrespectful ... "

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Did Ronnie just officially apologize?

Ron: " ... You're so f---ing dumb and hardheaded that you can't even admit what you did to me in Atlantic City was wrong, what you did to me at Jersey Shore was wrong. Be a woman and man up for once. I had a reason to sh-- on you in Miami. Realize that."

And that was how not to apologize, brought to you by RonRon Juice. "RonRon Juice: 'Roid rage in a bottle™."

3. The Fight

Freshly broken up — yes, they broke up — Ronnie and Sammi's fighting escalated to insaaaane new heights. Did anyone else want to cry uncle every 30 seconds this episode?

Congratulations, Sharon Stone in the third hour of "Casino": You are no longer the most hysterical woman I've ever seen on my television!

2. How Not to Apologize, Part II

Sammi retaliated by skanking it up at a club with a dude who belonged on HotGuysWhoLookLikeLesbians.com, and Ronnie wasn't havin' it. So he retaliated by trashing all of Sammi's crap, including her glasses. Dude, come on, now. Grow the f--- up.

And that brings us to yet another installment of "How Not to Apologize."

Ron: "You f---ing disrespected me in front of my face. What i did in Miami, at least I had enough respect for you to do it to you while you're not around."

Yes, Ronnie. Nothing says respect like three-way kissing two girls at a club behind your current girlfriend's back and then stumbling home and having sex with your girlfriend the same night. Oh. And reality-TV cameras are documenting all of it. That is the epitome of respect.

1. Sneaker Pimp

Despite all the drama, which ended with Sammi leaving the house, Pauly D kept his priorities straight.

Pauly D: "I'm over here trying to clean my sneakers. I can't concentrate! All this fighting! They're talking about relationships, my sneakers are dirty!"

Pauly D, for making me laugh in the midst of one of the biggest, most upsetting blowups in reality-TV history, I salute you. And your bottle of 409.

Don't miss "Jersey Shore," airing Thursday nights at 10 p.m. ET on MTV.