‘Glee’-Cap: ‘Substitute’ Gwyneth Paltrow Mixes Cee Lo And Show Tunes

Sing along with our lament on the melodrama and monkey flu that's infected William McKinley High.

Gwyneth Paltrow was a bright spot in an oddball “Glee” episode that was heavy on show tunes and light on interesting storylines. Gwyneth’s take on Cee Lo’s “F— You” was an irresistible romp. Were her other two production numbers as successful? Check out the embedded video to hear my full thoughts on “The Substitute.” And here are the lyrics if you’d like to sing along!

[Singing]
So what is up today with Mister Schue?
Oh no! He’s caught the dreaded monkey flu,
Seeing little kids in a blink of an eye.
It’s creepy ’cause he baby talks with his ex-wife.
He looks just like he is gonna boot (barf).
Time to hire a substitute.

Four, three, two, one …

I wanna tell you ’bout Holly Holiday.
She’s teaching class in an unorthodox way.
She’s makin’ Cee Lo sound like Doris Day.
I want her duet with Lea to go away.

Like nails on a chalkboard,
Two female voices that are shrill, shrill, shrill, shrill,
But Rachel won’t be ignored.
You know the drill.

So Sue Sylvester takes the principal’s chair.
Still makin’ endless jokes about Schuester’s hair,
She bans the tater tots, citing health care.
Mercedes hates the rule and says it’s unfair.

Kurt and Blaine take her out,
But she is angry ’cause they are just stereotypes.
A purse in Kurt’s mouth?!
That should do wonders for gay rights!

[Rap]
Yo, “Glee,” you and me have got some beefin’ words.
You’re adding characters and plotlines but your genres are blurred,
Got more melodrama than Tyler Perry’s oeuvre.
And those show tunes gotsta go. We like pop tunes! Ya heard?

First John Stamos, now Paltrow comma Gwyneth
Charice, Carol Burnett and Kristin Chenoweth
It’s “Will and Grace” season eight all up in this crazy place
Yo, “Glee,” ditch the celebrity and focus on the cast. They’re great!

[Singing]
Reenacted musicals,
They’re not clever, they’re indulgent, my friend.
They’re also sort of dull.
I want my favorite show to mend

[Spoken] That Rihanna/ “Singing in the Rain” mash-up at the end was like the worst Girl Talk song I’ve ever heard in my life. It may have been genius on paper, but it was a mess on my tele-ella-ella-ella-vision. Ay!

What did you think of this week’s “Glee”? Share your own “Glee”-cap in the comments.