‘Glee’ Brings Faith, Tears And Sandwiches — In Song

Follow along with this week's somber 'Glee'-cap.

This week’s “Glee” got real heavy, filled with serious conversations about faith, separation of church and state, mortality and sandwiches. Even Sue Sylvester made us tear up a little. But now it’s time to dry your eyes and sing along with this somber “Glee”-cap:

Let’s pour one out for Kurt’s dad.
His ticker ain’t a-workin’
He had himself a heart attack (ack ack ack ack).

Kurt don’t believe in God,
But his classmates are all lurkin’.
They want to bring Burt Hummel back (ack ack ack ack).

Finn found Jesus in some bread
Prayed for action on the field and in his bed.
When his wishes came true, it went to his head.
The new guy got hurt, and Finn was filled with dread.

In the end he was calm
And in his palm
He took grilled Cheesus
And nom-nom-nommed.
(Even though that sandwich had been sitting out for, like, four days!)

[Speaking.]
So, you guys, this week’s “Glee” had a lot of characters questioning God and His existence. And, I’m a little embarrassed to say that I really related to that. Especially when Finn was singing that R.E.M. song, all that was going through my mind was, “Why, God, why?!!”

[Singing.]
“Glee’s” just like religion.
It’s better if you don’t ask questions.
Stuff don’t make sense all that well (ell ell ell ell).

The new cast disappeared.
Where’s Stamos as the dentist?
Is Charice now Tori from “Saved by the Bell” (bell bell, what the hell)?

The “Glee” kids wanna sing songs about
Whether God exists ’cause some have their doubts.
Mercedes and Quinn are super-devout
Sue’s hoppin’ mad and starts to shout.

Please tell me,
When did my “Glee”
Become of the after-school variety?

[Speaking]
“Glee,” lay it on me. You can throw as many special-needs actors and slow-motion montages of Little Baby Kurt and his dad having little baby tea parties … I will not break! [Jim slaps himself.] GET IT TOGETHER, JIM!

[Jim breaks down, starts to sing again.]

No, I am not havin’ a cry
I swear, I think there’s just something in my eye!
[Jim, weeping, starts shouting.]
Can I get some eyewash up in here?
Squeeze my hand, Dad!!

So what if “Glee”
Got all preachy?
Chris Colfer’s gonna win an Emmy
(Provided the entire cast of “Modern Family” somehow gets disqualified).

Amen!