'Jersey Shore' High Five: Watermelons and Ferraris

From JWoww and Sammi's fisticuffs to the Situation's version of 'The Crying Game,' we recap this week's episode of 'Jersey Shore.'

"I look like an idiot," Sammi said on Thursday's episode of "Jersey Shore."

"It's none of their f---in' business," responded Ronnie. "We got over that hump."

Over that hump? Probably not the best choice of words, Ronnie. Here are my five favorite moments from this week's "Jersey Shore."

#5: Snookilocks and the Three Guidos

Once upon a time there was a girl named Snookilocks. She wandered into a house and tried to find the perfect bed. Pauly's bed was too small. The Situation's bed was too big. And Vinnie's bed was really too big. No, seriously. Like huge.

"Sam, you have no idea how big this thing was," Snooki dished. "Like, this big. It was like putting like a watermelon into a pinhole."

I don't know, Snooks. Something tells me it's more like putting a watermelon into a slightly smaller watermelon.

#4: The Situation's "Crying Game"

At the club, the Situation found a girl with a blurry face. And you know what that means.

"The Situation's spending a lot of time with this girl that has all the clues that lead me to believe she's a man," Pauly said. "She was wearing something to hide that Adam's apple, she had something on her hands. So we think the Situation mighta got himself into a situation with a tranny out here."

The rest of the kids seemed to agree, as they all recited their Miami mantra: "If you have to think about it ... it is."

Yes, if you have to think about it, stay away. This philosophy has also helped the "Jersey Shore" cast avoid algebra, English, science and certain complicated doorknobs.

#3: Non Sequitur of the Week

And now it's time for the "Jersey Shore" non sequitur of the week!

"Let's go to the bathroom. I need to dance. I'm angry," Snooki said.

Answered JWoww: "You have to go to the bathroom to dance??"

#2: J-Poww

Hey, you know how we've all been screaming at Sammi through our televisions from the comfort of our living rooms because we're so frustrated with this lame Sammi/Ronnie drama? Yeah, well this week, JWoww spoke for all of us.

"F--- you! Get outta here!" she told Sammi. You're a naive bitch while your man's putting his di-- in other vaginas!"

Later, things got physical between the two of them, but we only saw two seconds of the fight and will have to tune in next week to see how it plays out. Oh MTV. Why you gotta do this to us? You've been teasing that fight in promos all week! Not cool! I think I'm done.

Anyone else done?

"I'm done with it," Sammi said. "It's done."

Anyone besides Sammi?

#1: Thanks for Coming

Some people say foreplay is like an appetizer. For the Situation, foreplay is literally the appetizer.

"I'm not ready to perform right now," he said after bringing a girl home. "I'm like a Ferrari. I'm high maintenance, OK?"

So he made himself a late-night dinner.

"Let me ask my girl if she's hungry," he said. "Hey baby, you hungry, you want anything? Ice cream or something?"

Apparently not, because Mike dined alone.

Then for dessert, he brought his girl a slice of key lime get the f--- out.

"I got a taxi for you," he said, before walking her out.

"Thanks for coming!" Ronnie giggled.

"And that's how you get 'em out," Mike declared.

That's also how you get genital warts!

Watch "Jersey Shore" Thursdays at 10 p.m. ET on MTV.