This week on "American Idol," the top five tackled Frank Sinatra tunes. Or rather, Frank Sinatra tunes tackled them.
Harry Connick Jr. stopped by to mentor (and mock) the contestants, and he also wrote brand new arrangements to complement each singer. (Unfortunately, all of said arrangements included a vocal line.) Aaron "Nice Guy" Kelly, Casey "Lamb Vibrato" James and Crystal "Defensive" Bowersox were all swallowed up by the big orchestra, but Michael "Hat" Lynche and Lee "Do You Think You Can Win This?" Dewyze managed to hold their own.
Tuesday night's best performance, however, was from Casey James' mother. She shot Kara DioGuardi death stares, shouted over Simon Cowell's critiques and looked pissed off any time a contestant other than her child received good reviews. Her crazy made up for the fact that her son was ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-d.
On Wednesday night's results show, Crystal Bowersox dressed like a boy, got called a tramp by the remaining male contestants and played the role of "Passive Lovesick Female Cliché" in the Ford commercial. What better way to commemorate a season that was supposed to be all about the girls?!
Speaking of ladies, Gaga celebrated Cinco de Mayo with an underwhelming (pre-taped and edited) performance of "Alejandro," proving that season nine can suck the fun out of everything.
But the results show belonged to Connick, thanks to a hilarious collection of outtakes that had the crooner calling out Big Mike's baby pimping, Crystal's feather earrings, the absurdity of the word "pitchy" and how Ellen DeGeneres stinks as a judge. But just as we were ready to ask him to move into Chez Idol permanently, Connick wore out his welcome with a never-ending performance medley and an even longer rambling tale about how Frank Sinatra sexually harassed his then-girlfriend-now-wife. But don't worry, guys. Harry assured America that he doesn't beat her. (Yep, that really happened on broadcast television. Be more awkward, Harry Connick Jr.! Double-dog dare you!)
Results-wise, it came down to Big Mike and Little Aaron, who stood next to each other like a 21st Century biracial Laurel and Hardy. In the end, Aaron Kelly was sent packing, meaning Michael will get to enjoy several more "Idol" breakfast burritos ... until he gets cut next week during Movie Night.
What do you think of Harry Connick Jr.'s antics on last night's "Idol"? Share your own recaps in the comments.
Get your "Idol" fix on MTV News' "American Idol" page, where you'll find all the latest news, interviews and opinions.