"Clash of the Titans" probably wasn't intended to be a lotta laughs, but Lord knows it is. Unfortunately, this is not the same thing as being a lot of fun.

The picture is a 3D remake of a 1981 film of the same name, which was a throwback to the muscle-bound sword-and-sandal epics cranked out in Italy in the 1950s and early '60s. Once again we are in a world of haughty gods and fearsome monsters drawn rather loosely from Greek mythology. Our hero, Perseus (Sam Worthington, of "Avatar"), is the half-human son of the mighty Zeus (Liam Neeson), who has a longstanding affection for humans (and an eye for their ladies -- thus Perseus). Gazing down from the cloud-bound realm of Olympus, Zeus and his fellow gods -- who with their strange silvery glow look like nothing so much as an ABBA cover band -- have become worried by signs of unrest in the coastal city of Argos, whose residents have just about had it with the gods' capricious reign, and the disasters and tragedies they regularly deploy. The angry Argosians have ceased offering up prayers to their heavenly rulers, and revolution is in the air. As one upstart citizen cries: "Should we be trembling and soiling ourselves in fear?"

Zeus is hesitant to clamp down on these ingrates; but his brother, Hades (Ralph Fiennes), is made of sterner stuff. Hades drew the short straw when godly dominions were handed out, and has been consigned to rule the dismal Underworld. He is thus in a perpetual bad mood, and turns up on Olympus offering the services of a hideous pet monster in subduing the whiny humans. "In 10 days," he announces, "I will unleash the Kraken!"

Meanwhile, down below, Perseus, who was raised among mortals, has now fallen in with the rebels. Tipped to his demigod heritage by a mysterious beauty named Io (Gemma Arterton), he sets off with a detachment of soldiers on a quest, the object of which is to rescue an endangered princess, Andromeda (Alexa Davalos), and, while he's at it, to smite all manner of loathsome magical creatures. First there's an attack of giant scorpions, then an encounter with a trio of crones, the Stygian witches, who offer little in the way of encouragement. ("You will die.") Next stop is a confrontation with the ghastly Medusa, whose snake-wreathed face can turn those who gaze upon it to stone. Luckily, before Perseus sets off for this deadly challenge, Zeus appears and bequeaths him a special sword ("a very rare and high-quality item"), which of course soon comes in handy.

The Medusa smackdown is the movie's most imaginative sequence. Here the frightful demon (played by Natalia Vodianova) is more than the usual chick with a serpent wig -- her entire body is a lashing reptilian horror. And the battle that ensues when Perseus calls her out is, relative to the rest of the movie, fairly thrilling (even more so than the concluding fray with the Kraken -- a CGI confection that manages the odd feat of resembling both the goofy mountain troll in the first Harry Potter film and the huge squid-like guardian of the door to Moria in the first "Lord of the Rings" movie).

But apart from the recycled nature of some of the creatures (one character with an eye in the palm of its hand recalls the Pale Man in "Pan's Labyrinth," and some extra-tall nomads Perseus encounters in the desert exude a vague Chewbacca vibe), the movie has other problems. In unflattering contrast with Neeson and Fiennes (both slumming, as the great Laurence Olivier was in the original "Titans"), Worthington seems a colorless hero -- he lacks the outsize personality that might have made his character a commanding presence. And the film is a visual jumble: It wasn't conceived or photographed in 3D, but hastily converted in the wake of "Avatar," and the effect is generally flat and pointless. Combined with the chaotic camerawork (the whole picture looks as if it were shot from the back of a moving truck), it makes the movie an eye-wearying chore to take in. Despite its many laughable moments, the box-office gods may not be amused.

Don't miss Kurt Loder's review of [article id="1635332"]"Don McKay."[/article]

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