‘American Idol’ Finale Features Queens, Cheese And Kara In A Bikini

Relive all that led up to Kris Allen's win over Adam Lambert with our expanded 'Idol in 60 Seconds.'

“American Idol” in 60 Seconds has fast become an MTV News institution, but it goes by so fast that it’s not always easy to catch every golden nugget. So, here we present to you a slightly altered script of Jim Cantiello’s bite-size recap of the week’s “Idol” high jinks, plus a joke or two that had to be cut for time!

Wednesday night was the eighth season finale of “Idol,” and by now we all know the drill: Randy wears a silly outfit, the craziest auditioners get to extend their 15 minutes, and it takes Seacrest over two hours to read one person’s name.

But who cares? Justin Guarini’s in the house!

[Crickets.]

But really the finale is all about the duets. Lil Rounds got out-sang by a rapper, Allison Iraheta harmonized while Cyndi Lauper had a seizure, and producers somehow found dudes who wear more makeup than Adam.

And then there was this …

[Steve Martin, Megan Joy and Michael Sarver perform together.]

And just when you thought things couldn’t get any crazier, Rod Stewart escaped out of a nursing home!

[Rod Stewart sings terribly.]

Even weirder? I actually loved Danny Gokey tonight! His Lionel Richie collabo was a match made in cheese heaven. Hey, Velveeta, I think you have a new spokesperson.

The Black Eyes Peas got molested by dancers, and queen rocked! (Queen the band were good, too.) And the blind guy still can’t dance.

But my favorite moment was when Kara did this.

[Kara rips open her dress and reveals a bikini and a spectacular bod!]

So that’s how she got this job.

Seacrest: “The winner is …”

Allison Iraheta?!

Seacrest: “Kris Allen!”

Wait. The over-the-top, drag-wearing, man-kissing drama geek lost to the all-American married Christian guy ? What is this country coming to?!

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