If [url id=”http://www.mtv.com/music/artist/eminem/artist.jhtml”]Eminem[/url] has proven anything throughout his career, it’s that he’s not afraid to put celebrities on blast. From “My Name Is” to “Just Lose It,” he’s gone after some of the biggest names in Hollywood, never pulling a punch and never (ever) apologizing.
And his new video, for “We Made You,” is no different. In fact, you might even say he’s taken the art of celeb skewering to new heights with the clip. The targets come fast and furious, lyrically and visually, so to help you keep track of them all, we’ve compiled a list.
Alphabetized for your convenience, here’s Eminem’s “We Made You” celebrity-slam list:
Alba, Jessica: Actress. Appears in a shower scene, à la “Psycho.” Causes Em to “make a mess in [his] trousers.” Repeatedly punches him in the face.
Aniston, Jennifer: Former “Friend,” eternal bridesmaid. Makes a brief cameo as the latte-clutching girlfriend of singer John Mayer. Is apparently “in love” with Eminem.
Babbit, Raymond: [url id=”http://newsroom.mtv.com/2009/03/24/is-eminems-new-name-rain-man”]Lead character in 1988’s “Rain Man.”[/url] For reasons clear to only him, Em spends a large portion of the “We Made You” video dressed as Babbit, an autistic savant with eidetic memory. Lands a 21 at a Vegas blackjack table, repeatedly hits, loses all of his (and 50 Cent’s) money. Falls over.
DeGeneres, Ellen: Comedian and talk-show host. Em beams onto the set of her show, punches her wife, Portia de Rossi, in the leg. Propositions de Rossi, asking, “What’s Ellen DeGeneres have that I don’t? Are you telling me tenderness? Well, I can be as gentle and smooth as a gentleman.”
Fielder-Civil, Blake: Skeevy on-again/off-again husband of Amy Winehouse. Appears in a jailhouse scene. Makes out with Winehouse in excruciating detail.
Kardashian, Kim: Celebutant of questionable talent who “is a man,” according to Eminem. Goes on a dinner date with the rapper (who, for reasons never fully explained, is dressed like Disco Inferno), attacks him with her ample posterior. Is put in a wood-chipper at clip’s end, à la “Fargo.”
Lohan, Lindsay: “Actress”/ paparazzi fodder. Is picked up by the long-haul-trucker version of Eminem (along with former love interest Samantha Ronson ), who advises her to end her relationship and “come back to seeing men/ Samantha’s a 2, you’re practically a 10.” Perhaps she listened.
Mathers, Marshall: The real Slim Shady. No, really. Proving that he’s not above poking fun at himself in his videos, Eminem includes a shot that harkens back to his mulleted past, when he wore pink “ALF” T-shirts and apparently loved birthday cake.
Mayer, John: Guitar-slinging troubadour/ celebrity-cruise enthusiast. Only makes a brief cameo in “We Made You,” as a sensitive, porkpie-hat-wearing singer/songwriter. Impressive, if only because we don’t think we’ve actually ever seen Mayer wear a porkpie hat.
Michaels, Bret: Em opens the clip dressed as the “Rock of Love” star, mocks his impressively arched eyebrows and bandanna-and-cowboy-hat predilection. Is later seen in bed with Sarah Palin, where he clears the room with his flatulence. Is finally revealed to be bald.
Palin, Sarah: Former Republican vice-presidential candidate. Is portrayed in the “We Made You” video by porn star Lisa Ann, who also starred as Palin in Hustler Video’s astute political melodrama “Who’s Nailin’ Paylin?”
Presley, Elvis: Deceased rock legend. Em dons the same prison stripes Presley wore in the 1957 flick “Jailhouse Rock” and imitates his dance routine too. There’s also a pretty apt Elvis-as-cultural-appropriator metaphor that applies here, but let’s just move on.
Romo, Tony: Dallas Cowboys quarterback. Em puts on Romo’s pads, thrusts his pelvis, rubs up on an actress portraying Jessica Simpson, tosses a hamburger for a touchdown. Unlike real-life Romo, he does not also choke during playoffs.
Ronson, Samantha: Celebrity DJ/ paparazzi fodder. Appears alongside Lohan in Eminem’s truck, latter battles him on “Planet Womyn,” while hundreds of lesbians cheer her on. Believe it or not, this is only about the third most insulting scene in the “We Made You” video.
Simpson, Jessica: Fallen pop star masquerading as country artist. A favorite Eminem target, this time around, she’s portrayed as the cheeseburger-devouring, Daisy Duke-wearing, General Lee-washing girlfriend of Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo. This is actually fairly accurate.
Spears, Britney: Embattled pop star/ cultural icon. Another Em fave, in the “We Made You” video, Brit is seen pole-dancing and knocking out former flame Adnan Ghalib. Also, we’re fairly certain she’s played by a drag queen.
Spock: Half-Vulcan, half-human science officer of the USS Enterprise. Eminem adopts the Spock persona several times in the “We Made You” video, dispensing Vulcan nerve pinches and spying on Jessica Alba. If they gave out awards for “eyebrow acting,” Em’s turn here would definitely land him a nomination.
Winehouse, Amy: British singer/ train wreck. The beehived one receives a lot of attention in the “We Made You” clip, making out with Em and generally looking like a vampiric bit of roadkill. She may very well be the easiest target in the world, but, hey, even Eminem isn’t above a layup or two.