Where do we start? [article id="1608549"]Slim Shady promised[/article] he was up to his old tricks in the video for [video id="368090"]"We Made You,"[/video] his first solo clip since 2005 and the official opening shot from his forthcoming album, [article id="1606348"]Relapse,[/article] due May 19.
And man, does he spray some serious lead. The video, which debuted exclusively on MTV's "AMTV" on Tuesday morning (April 7), was directed by Joseph Kahn (Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Britney Spears), and it is merciless in its lampooning of celebrity culture.
Right off the bat, you have Em seated on a throne, who's wearing a long blond wig and a cowboy hat (he's Bret Michaels, in case you couldn't tell), asking for the chorus, which is then crooned by a voluptuous Jessica Simpson-like dancer in tight denim shorts and a ruffled red top. Moments later, as if there was any doubt before, Em comes out in a Dallas Cowboys uniform, looking like Tony Romo and doing a nasty dance behind the faux Jessica.
All the while, in a kind of rogues gallery green room, Em does his best preening Michaels, dangling a rose with a backstage pass on it in front of a line of rock star wannabes that includes impersonators of Sarah Palin, Samantha Ronson, Lindsay Lohan and a dentally challenged Amy Winehouse.
Like so many of Em's previous singles — "My Name Is," "Without Me," "The Real Slim Shady" and "Just Lose It" — the comical clip takes aim at some of our most famous (or is it infamous?) celebrities with the help of the MC's legendarily nimble, witty wordplay.
"There's some celebrity bashing in it," Em warned in a clip from the video set obtained by MTV News. "I wanna say it's not necessarily intentional bashing in it; it's not necessarily taking deliberate shots at people. ... Yes, it is. What the f--- am I talking about?"
Standing on a set that resembles "Guitar Hero," he finally gets to spitting, tossing out the verbal volley: "Back by popular demand/ Now pop a little Zantac/ Or antacid if you can/ You're ready to tackle any task that is at hand/ How does it feel? Is it fantastic, is it grand?"
Soon enough, Dr. Dre appears as the captain of the Starship Enterprise (which looks way more, ahem, streamlined, shall we say). Then Eminem shows up as a rock star going out to dinner with a way bootylicious Kim Kardashian, whose assets threaten to blow him out of the chair.
We also see him as a truck driver who has picked up Lindsay and Sam, who are all over each other in his cab. Eminem 2.0 says he's not trying to offend lesbians as he begs, "Lindsay, please come back to seein' men/ Samantha's a 2; you're practically a 10." And for no reason we can discern, when he touches Sam, he shakes his hand as if getting burned and turns into a Transformer with a Mohawk, breasts and a coffee cup.
The multiple disses in the video seem to be inspired by the track's sing-songy chorus: "When you walked through the door, it was clear to me/ You're the one they adore, who they came to see/ You're a rock star, everybody wants you."
Before the video's premiere, Eminem said that he was using the song as a kind of Jedi mind trick. "Hot chicks who don't want me, I'm telling them they do," he explained. "It's kind of like a reverse-psychology thing, and I'm gonna see if the record comes out and it works."
Who else is a target in this video? Let's see, there's Eminem as Spock, giving the Vulcan neck pinch to Uhura; paying a visit to Ellen DeGeneres' show; pretending to be Kevin Federline as a slim Britney dances nearby; showing off his buff physique as he poses shirtless with an ax in the office of a pouty Palin, who is, of course, wearing a very low-cut bustier to show off her ample experience in office. He also plays John Mayer in a straw porkpie hat, crooning to Jennifer Aniston.
Finally, a master of the build-up, [article id="1607587"]Eminem gets to the video scene[/article] that set tongues wagging recently, when a still image from the shoot at the Palms Casino in Las Vegas drew some comparisons to the movie "Rain Man." Em, dressed in a gray suit similar to the one worn by Dustin Hoffman's savant character in the movie, is led through a casino by Dre, wearing a similar suit (à la Tom Cruise), and they sit down at a blackjack table with 50 Cent.
When he's done counting cards and making it rain, farting in bed dressed as Michaels snuggling with Palin, playing Elvis, getting punched out by Jessica Alba, making out with Winehouse while dressed as Blake Civil-Fielder, engaging Ronson in a Vulcan sword fight and feeding Kardashian into a "Fargo"-like wood chipper that spits out cash, Em does a little dance to take us out. Another Eminem classic.
The song was reportedly produced by Dre, and though Fif makes a brief cameo in the video at the Vegas card table, he's not on the track. Eminem has said he is planning a follow-up LP to Relapse later this year.