Last night, after much deliberation (and some gratuitous mansion-ing) “American Idol” narrowed the seemingly endless field of contestants down to the Top 36. There were some shocking cuts (Jamal!), and some improbable choices (Norman Gentle?!?! Tatiana?!?!) along the way, but at least now we know just who will be in the running for the big shiny recording contract.
But how well do we really know the Top 36? Who is Alex Wagner-Trugman, really? We’re just as confused as you are. So, in order to help us all understand the differences between the Jesse Langseths and the Ju’Not Joyners, we’ve created mini-bios for each of the remaining “Idol” contestants. Oh, and [url id=”http://newsroom.mtv.com/2009/02/12/mc-hammer-afis-hunter-burgan-celebrate-twitter-mania-at-shorty-awards/”]after last night’s Shorty Awards[/url] we decided to do it Twitter style (140 characters or less), to help you pass the information on to your friends (Tweet away!) Because knowledge is power … or something like that.
Anyway, here’s your “American Idol” Top 36 … Twitter-ized.
Adam Lambert: Vaguely emo theater guy from Los Angeles. Possesses big pipes, questionable fashion sense. Sorta looks like an elf.
Alex Wagner-Trugman: Rosy-cheeked California boychild who got sick from mold in his closet. Launched a million “closeted” puns.
Alexis Grace: Pint-size mother with pink highlights. Has immaculate teeth. Startling resemblance to Molly Ringwald/ Hayley Williams.
Allison Iraheta: Brassy, big-voiced, barely old enough to drive. Only 16, in case you missed this the first 100 times Randy said it.
Ann Marie Boskovich: Ultra-milquetoast singer/songwriter from Nashville. Stereotypical girl with guitar. Wears many flowing dresses.
Anoop Desai: Randy-approved “’Noop Dogg.” Fodder for a million “Sanjaya/Phone Operator” conspiracy theories if he makes it to Top 12.
Arianna Afsar: Former teen Miss America contestant. Child actor. Founder of “Adopt a Grandfriend” charity. Is bland-yet-likable.
Brent Keith: “Nashville Star” also-ran. Signed, recorded song for Earnhardt biopic. This does not seem to bother “Idol” producers.
Casey Carlson: Button-cute singer with gigantic head. Previous career as bikini model for shady Web site never mentioned. Sssshhhh!
Danny Gokey: Overcame personal tragedy to make Top 36. Has great voice, is inspiring, despite weird glasses and faux-hawk.
Felicia Barton: Made Top 36 after Joanna Pacitti “disqualified.” Should say all you need to know about her chances of winning.
Jackie Tohn: Actress/musician who apparently was on “The Sopranos” once. Sort of reminds us of Adriana, now that we think of it.
Jasmine Murray: Very young. Impressive voice. Even more impressive eyebrows. Early favorite who faded a tad in Hollywood Week.
Jeanine Vailes: Who? Don’t know if we saw her sing during Hollywood Week. Looks like Leona Lewis. Sings like TBD.
Jesse Langseth: Husky-voiced Midwesterner. Is vaguely Fiona Apple-esque. Wore impressively embroidered jeans on Wednesday night’s show.
Jorge Nunez-Mundez: Is from Puerto Rico, a fact “Idol” producers feel the need to constantly remind us of. Good singer. Funny guy.
Ju’Not Joyner: Possessor of impressive mid-name apostrophe. Could possibly be named after Diablo Cody flick. Should go by “JJ.”
Kai Kalama: Somehow made it through despite blown voice in Hollywood Week. Has hair like Sayid from “Lost.” Jack Johnson vibe.
Kendall Beard: Is bubbly. Like a combination between Kristy Lee Cook and Kellie Pickler. And we mean that in the best possible way.
Kristen McNamara: Another “Nashville Star” castoff. Drama at every step. Her hair takes on new colors weekly. Resembles Anna Faris.
Lil Rounds: Has three kids, would not have to change her name to sign deal with Bad Boy. Vaguely Fantasia-esque in style and voice.
Matt Breitzke: Blue-collar, slightly husky everydude with voice to match. No, not that one. He’s a welder. Totally different.
Matt Giraud: Dueling Pianos host from Michigan. He probably knows the words to the UM fight song by heart. Tip your waitresses!
Megan Corkrey: Never seen during Hollywood Week. Has tattoos, a quirky voice, will probably not win because of both. A shame, really.
Michael Sarver: Blue-collar, slightly husky everydude with voice to match. No, not that one. He’s a roughneck. Totally different.
Mishavonna Henson: “Edgy” country singer. Also a child actress. Strangely angular.
Nathaniel Marshall: Overdramatic Day-glo emo kid with many headbands, piercings. Doesn’t really make sense. Mother is in prison.
Ricky Braddy: A Paula fave. Kind of looks like Danny Gokey, minus the glasses. Already has a goofy fan club, the Braddy Bunch.
Scott Macintyre: This year’s inspirational story. Wore humorous “Mind the Gap” T-shirt during auditions. Good behind the piano.
Stephen Fowler: Inexplicably made the cut despite Hollywood Week meltdown. Should probably try singing with his eyes open. Good hair.
Stevie Wright: High school student. Nice voice. Mesmerizing teeth. Next …
Tatiana Nicole Del Toro: Long name prevents copious Twitter-ized insults. Is sort of a monster. Is sort of crazy. Is very annoying.
Taylor Vaifanua: Is from Utah. Has released an album. A judges’ favorite this year. Last name difficult to spell.
Von Smith: Sort of looks like A.J. from “The Sopranos.” Huge voice. Earned a pre-“Idol” fanbase with his outrageous YouTube clips.
Get your “Idol” fix on MTV News’ “American Idol” page, where you’ll find all the latest news, interviews and opinions.