Kanye West Remembers Donda, Opens Up About Family Plans

On the anniversary of his mother's death, West says, 'She influenced me to do exactly what I want to do.'

may be at the pinnacle of his career, but the rapper admits that it means nothing if you’ve got no one to call your own. “It’s lonely at the top,” he told reporters Tuesday at a London listening party for his new album, 808s & Heartbreak , People.com reports. “Losing my mom, having no woman in my life to support me — I feel like I’m on my own and can only express it through my music.”

West, who split from his fiancée Alexis Phifer in April, added that he’d love to start a family soon but that he’s having a hard time finding a woman to settle down with. “I want to have kids,” he said. “But I want to have the right girl too — someone who really cares about me. When I’m in a club, girls are super-calculating, planning every step.”

Since losing his mom, Donda West , just over a year ago, West said he’s been “depressed, down.” He also places the blame for his mother’s death on himself and his rapid rise to fame. “I feel like I moved to California, then my mom moved to California, and she did stuff she wouldn’t have done if we’d stayed in Chicago,” he said. “If I’d never made it in the music business, it never would’ve happened.”

However, he said the lessons she taught him remain. “She influenced me to do exactly what I want to do,” he explained. “With my mom’s passing, I learned that … you can’t let people box you in. You gotta do what you want to do.”

He said he’s recently taken solace in many of his celebrity friends. “I ran into , Paul McCartney, [at the MTV Europe Music Awards and] I felt comfortable,” he said. “Rejuvenated.”

Although West admitted that he lives in a fishbowl and that the constant media spotlight can be a lot to handle at times, he assured everyone that he’s going to be just fine. “I’m an alien. The only place I can be alone is my hotel room — I can’t even go to the grocery store,” West added. “But don’t feel sorry for me — I just did a shoot for Louis Vuitton. Don’t worry about me; I’ll be OK in the end.”