HOLLYWOOD — It's taken us 24 years to make this realization, but we're starting believe that perhaps the stars are just using the MTV Video Music Awards for our gift bag.
These suspicions were only confirmed on Wednesday, when the Official Gift Bag of the 2008 VMAs was unveiled at the Paramount Studios. We were lucky enough to be given a guided tour of all the goods by none other than Fonzworth Bentley, a man who is many things — dapper, debonair, dashing, to name just a few — but also exceedingly honest.
"When guys walk on the red carpet, they're going to talk about getting awards, or performing, or who they're most looking forward to seeing," Bentley laughed. "That's all bull. ... They all want the shwag."
Shocking! And while we do feel a bit hurt by Bentley's admission, we really can't blame him — or any other celebrity who's graced the show over the years. After all, the gift bags are always incredibly sweet, and this year is no exception.
Packed with more than $15,000 worth of glittering jewelry, one-of-a-kind fashions, high-tech gizmos, all-inclusive vacation packages and more cosmetic products than anyone would use in two lifetimes, the 2008 bag boggles the mind and proves once again that it's very good to be famous.
Say, for example, you're looking to take a vacation. Well, you're in luck! Feel free to use either your complimentary membership to the Best of Everything's Wish Fulfillment Services to book a trip (oh, and the membership also comes with a diamond-encrusted cross pendant), or just cash in your free four-night, five-day stay at the Bungalows resort at Cofresi Beach in the Dominican Republic.
If you like diamonds and crystals, well, we've got plenty of them for you too: adorning the Jour & Nuit crystal-strap sandals, Andy Warhol watches and Ugo Cacciatore pendants. There's also clothing and accessories from Fendi, Qi Cashmere — Fonzworth loves cashmere, by the way — Kings of Glory, Queens of Glory, Gypsy 05, Five Four Clothing and Taverniti So Denim.
There are hair-care products aplenty, an anti-aging Baby Quasar personal light therapy doohickey and — so the celeb experience never ends — a personalized, completely customizable red-carpet runway. Among the gizmos galore are an MP3 player from Rhapsody, high-end speakers from Ultrasone and, of course, a copy of "Rock Band 2." And for those guests looking for a less material treat, there's a private astrology reading by cosmic teacher to the stars Gahl Sasson.
And while we watched Bentley comb his way through all this glittering glory, we couldn't help but feel slightly jealous. Then again, it's hard to fault the guy, especially when he's this honest:
"Y'all better get this gift bag," he smiled. "This gift bag is not a game this year!"
Right again, Fonz.