On Thursday, at 3:15 p.m. PT, Nicole Richie reported to the Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood, California, to begin paying back her debt to society. At 4:37 p.m., that debt was apparently paid in full.
Originally sentenced to serve four days in jail after pleading guilty to her second DUI last month (see “Nicole Richie To Serve Four Days In Jail For Drunk Driving” ), Richie spent just 82 minutes — or 4,920 seconds — behind bars, which sounds less like hard time and more like a perfectly lovely way to spend an afternoon (seriously, we’ve had spa treatments that have lasted longer).
And that got us thinking: Since Richie was forced to waste almost a sixteenth of her entire day in the pokey, here’s a list of things she could’ve been doing with those earth-shattering 82 minutes. Hopefully, it will serve as a deterrent the next time she thinks about smoking marijuana, popping some Valium and driving the wrong way on the Ventura Freeway. You know, sort of like what jail is supposed to be.
In 82 minutes, Nicole could have:
» Watched “Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan” exactly once — and said the film’s title exactly once, too.
» Made somewhere in the neighborhood of nine delicious dinners, salads and appetizers using Rachael Ray’s vaunted “30 Minute Meals” corollary.
» Run an entire marathon at the pace of Morocco’s Hicham El Guerroj, the current world-record holder in the mile.
» Watched her good pal Paris Hilton’s “1 Night in Paris” film 1.32 times.
» Listened to Hilton’s Paris album twice.
» Devoured 451 hot dogs and buns at the pace of current dog-eating champ Joey Chestnut (66 franks and buns in 12 minutes).
» Battled her way through a paragraph from her 2005 masterwork “The Truth About Diamonds: A Novel,” like, for example, this one: “Everyone was there that night, the whole clique we’d acquired somewhere between birth and our early twenties: Joey, Carrie, Mikela, Lanford and moi. We were all crammed into the most prized booth like a gaggle of kids on a monstrous Tilt-a-Whirl, smoking, drinking, drugging and/or gossiping in our best effort to recapture the magic we’d seen in archival photos from Studio 54’s heyday.”
» Held her breath under water for as long as a Weddell Seal.
» Listened to Mr. Edward Van Halen’s “Eruption” solo 48 times.
» Watched her father’s video for “Hello” 15 times (though we’re certain that it would be impossible to sculpt a jheri-curled bust of her father’s head out of clay in less than an hour and a half).
» Contemplated the failings of our justice system roughly 45 times. Or, better yet, she could have slammed 975 pints of beer at the pace of Australian drinking champion (and former prime minister) Robert Hawke.
» Listened to Lindsay Lohan’s A Little More Personal (Raw) album 1.89 times.
» Watched the Zapruder film exactly 185 times. Or “The Simpsons Movie” once.
» Listened to boyfriend Joel Madden’s Good Morning Revival album twice. And then suddenly realize that perhaps jail wasn’t so bad after all.