Too often, we think of movies as mere entertainment — but the fact is, they prepare us for life. Just ask anybody who’s ever won over a room with a perfectly timed “Stay classy, San Diego!”; picked up a girl by saying, “You make me want to be a better man”; or impressed an employer with the knowledge that a human head weighs eight pounds.
With the 2007 MTV Movie Awards arriving Sunday (see “MTV Movie Awards Nominees: Pirates, Spartans — And That Crazy Kazakh,” “MTV Movie Awards Get Even Sexier With Cameron Diaz, Jessica Biel, Mandy Moore” and “MTV Movie Awards To Get Rocked By Jay-Z, Rihanna, Amy Winehouse” ), we couldn’t help but remember all we’ve learned from film fight scenes, whether it’s the “Karate Kid” crane kick, the “Hard Boiled” gun-in-each-hand attack, or the “Matrix” back-bend bullet-dodging technique. And since this year’s Best Fight nominees have no shortage of wisdom to bestow, we recruited WWE wrestler Carlito and World Extreme Cagefighting featherweight champion Urijah Faber (who, coincidentally, defends his title on Sunday) to enlighten us in the way of the brawl. Plus, one special guest weighs in on his own fight (hint: he was up against a giant).
Will Ferrell vs. Jon Heder (“Blades of Glory”)
Faber: I wouldn’t want to fight Will Ferrell, because he’s way too creative. That head-butt move of his is classic. It would be illegal in one of my fights, but on the streets, a head-butt is an A-plus move. Fans should study Ferrell, because his head-butt is perfect.
Carlito: This is just embarrassing. The main lesson here is: Learn how to fight, because you don’t wanna be seen on camera fighting like this. … I do like that they choke each other a lot, because that’s one of my favorite tactics. I’ll choke an opponent any chance I get. If the referee won’t catch you doing it, go for it.
Sacha Baron Cohen vs. Ken Davitian (“Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan”)
Carlito: This looks more like a love scene to me than an actual fight. What we can learn here is to know when to quit — because if a naked Borat came at me, I’d have to swallow my pride and just run. [WWE wrestler] Ric Flair always seems to lose his pants during a match. … When a naked man comes at you, just get out of there!
Faber: This is definitely the fight I’d least want to be part of. It reminds us that everyone needs to know how to street-fight. … I play by the rules when I’m in the cage, but when you’re on the street, you’ve gotta grab whatever comes at you. And if a guy like that producer comes at you, there’s a lot to grab.
Jack Black and Héctor Jiménez vs. Los Duendes (“Nacho Libre”)
Faber: These guys look like two Blow Pops fighting pissed-off tater tots. … I do like their acrobatic moves, however. I’m pretty acrobatic when I fight, so I’m all for it. But Jack Black needed to use the classic move of just holding the midget’s head and letting them swing away more often. … I’ve thrown some guys over my head. If you can do that, use it.
Carlito: I’ve never wrestled a midget or tagged with one, but I wouldn’t mind. I’d need to fight at least eight of them for it to be a challenge. All of Jack Black’s moves are pretty embarrassing, but you might want to learn to just be as funny as Jack is. When I wrestle big idiots, I still enjoy it — but maybe I’ll go a little bit easier on them.
Uma Thurman vs. Anna Faris (“My Super Ex-Girlfriend”)
Carlito: They looked pretty good doing their moves, and looked better than most of the guys nominated for Best Fight. Uma Thurman, especially after “Kill Bill,” could teach us all some moves, like how to watch out for someone sneaking up behind you … I’m pulling for these girls to win.
Faber: I’d pay money to have Uma Thurman throw me around. I’d love to help her put those superpowers to good use. But to be honest, I’m more impressed with these girls’ moves than any of the other nominees. It happens quite a bit in the fight game that these tough guys become sissies around their women. Girls wear the pants in the world.
Gerard Butler vs. the Uber-Immortal (“300″)
Carlito: I’ve been nearly decapitated a few times. My opponents have definitely tried. The Uber-Immortal reminds me of a bigger wrestler — guys who are kinda dumb but tough to beat up. They’re pretty much a walking wall, a walking tank. But, as we see here, if you keep trying, they’ll eventually come down.
Faber: When Gerard Butler throws down with the Uber-Immortal, his moves are impressive. But he might have wanted to trade his sword in for a baseball bat. I’m not too great with a sword, but I can swing a bat. The decapitation’s a good idea, because you should always go for the neck. The jugular? That’s a good spot. A lot of my fights have ended in chokes.
Gerard Butler: You’d better not learn too much from my fight, unless you want to go to prison for decapitating somebody! If you do see some person, or something, that is twice the size of you, just run. It’s always better to get the hell out of the way than to take on that fight. … I had to do it because I was getting paid. I had to kill that guy. But in real life, if I had seen a guy that size? I’m outta there.
Catch the latest on the 2007 MTV Movie Awards, including exclusives from host Sarah Silverman, nominee and presenter announcements, photos, highlights from years past and much more at MovieAwards.mtv.com And don’t forget to grab the popcorn and tune in to the big show when it airs live — for the first time ever! — Sunday at 8 p.m. ET.
Check out everything we’ve got on “Blades of Glory,” “Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan,” “Nacho Libre,” “My Super Ex-Girlfriend” and “300.”
Visit Movies on MTV.com for more from Hollywood, including news, reviews, interviews and more.
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