PHOENIX— From the tots racing through the aisles of Toys “R” Us to the 40-year-old virgins trolling the floors of Comic Con, mint-condition Mon Mothma dolls clutched in their sweaty hands, the longing remains the same: to someday make enough money to come back and buy everything in the place. With some of the biggest laughs in the upcoming comedy “Benchwarmers” tapping into that dorky dream, the stars of the film recently explained the origins of the jokes while proudly citing their own overflowing toy boxes.
“I’ve got a Willie Mays mitt and Brando’s jacket,” boasted Rob Schneider, admitting to a few of the big-ticket toys he’s purchased with his movie millions.
“You also got Marlon Brando’s underpants,” laughed co-star David Spade. “He wore them on Larry King.”
“I’ve got his undies on,” Schneider said. “They’re from his last movie; they’re a little loose.”
The longtime buddies and “Saturday Night Live” veterans co-star in the comedy as nerds seeking revenge for decades of bullying. Their preferred method of payback? Beating little kids at baseball. Jon Lovitz, a third “SNL” alum, plays a benefactor whose billions pay for the team’s road trips when they’re not purchasing life-size “Star Wars” figures or fully operational replicas of the Batmobile and KITT from “Knight Rider.”
“The cars, I thought, were cool,” beamed Lovitz before dejectedly confessing that he wasn’t allowed to keep any of them. So what was the coolest toy that the actor has ever shelled out for?
“Well,” he said, looking down at his wrist, “this watch is pretty nice.”
|Be sure to tune in and watch the “Benchwarmers” stars hitting, running and fielding (sort of) against real Little Leaguers on MTV’s “Your Movie Show,” airing Friday, March 24, at 7:30 p.m. (ET/PT).|
“What did Lovitz say he bought?” Schneider later asked. When told about the watch, the “Deuce Bigalow” star exploded in mock outrage. “No way! He lives in Malibu,” he added, as if that explained everything.
“Dude, that guy is out of contrizzy,” laughed Spade. “He’s got a Ferrari, a Bentley. Yeah, let’s all make fun of him instead of ourselves. He has a lot of things.”
Their young co-star, who has merely hosted “SNL,” eventually spoke up while relating his own toy story.
“I still played with toys and made creatures out of toys until I was a freshman in high school,” remembered Jon “Napoleon Dynamite” Heder, the film’s third ball-playing nerd. “I had Construx in middle school. They were like a better version of Legos.”
Now, however, Heder and his colleagues have left the building blocks behind and prefer to stock their cribs with significantly finer playthings.
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“He’s got Elvis’ watch,” Schneider said, pointing to Spade.
“I do, that’s right,” Spade confessed. “But I don’t ever wear it.”
It may have been Schneider who memorably played “Tiny Elvis” on “SNL,” but Spade’s adulation of the King has assumed geek-like proportions.
“I went to an estate sale and got a set list. He wrote out all of his songs — just like when Rob and I used to do standup, we’d write jokes. It’s his handwriting, [on paper from] a Sheraton in Michigan. ’Hound Dog,’ ’Love Me Tender.’ I got that, I got a gold watch that says ’Elvis’ around it, and I got a jumpsuit.”
“Did you buy anything, Richie Rich?” Spade said, shifting the spotlight while looking at Heder. “This guy makes more than all of us put together.”
“Are you kidding?” Heder responded. “Whatever. I did one independent movie. I have nothing.”
With his two co-stars gently bullying the mop-topped slacker, Heder finally ’fessed up to owning one toy that has a special place in his heart.
“I got an Xbox 360 personally from Bill Gates,” Heder said. “Maybe you’ve heard of him? He’s only a billionaire.”
“And then I spanked his ass in ’Halo,’ ” Spade said, extending the thought with a passable Heder impersonation. “Whatever that is,” he then continued, in his own voice. “Is it a game?”
They’ve got the toys, but maybe these boys aren’t such geeks after all.
Check out everything we’ve got on “The Benchwarmers.”
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