Courtney Love Phones 'Judge' Howard Stern's Radio Show

Shock jock attempts to advise defensive diva on lifestyle issues, courtroom behavior.

The day after a bench warrant was issued for her failure to appear in court, Courtney Love called Howard Stern's radio show Thursday morning (February 12) to explain her behavior.

In a rambling, sometimes incoherent and apparently unscheduled conversation with the shock jock on his nationally syndicated program, the former Hole singer ranted about money, drugs and sex, while Stern tried to advise her about how to handle herself in court.

"The reason I called," Love said, "was that I thought I knew evil. But I didn't know its capacity. The greed out there is outrageous."

Echoing comments she's made outside the courthouse and on her Web site, Love made a series of confusing claims. She accused Kurt Cobain's mother, Wendy O'Connor, and other relatives, as well as an unnamed bank, of being after Frances Bean's trust fund, tossing out the bombshell that as much as $40 million of her daughter's money was missing. "Her uncles have loved her for her money," Love said. "And it's hard when your grandmother goes after your money."

Claiming the money talk was a distraction, Stern tried to get Love on topic and said he was going to talk to her like a parent.

"Why not? Everybody else does," Love mumbled.

When asked why she didn't appear in court, Love mentioned something about firearms and how she didn't have a personal bodyguard (see "Courtney Love Misses Court Date, Cites 'Security Concerns' "). When asked what she would tell the judge, Love ranted about how she didn't do anything wrong.

"What have I done? Other than be a woman who owns stuff and is proud of it and is arrogant about it?" she asked. "Why isn't the government supporting me? The DA has got it in for me and I don't know why. My house is bugged."

Saying she sounded "delusional and paranoid," Stern then played the part of "Judge Stern" so she could practice how she should talk to Los Angeles Superior Court judges Elden S. Fox and Patricia M. Schnegg, who had admonished Love's lawyer, William Genego, on Wednesday for the singer's no-shows. Stern advised her to "eat some humble pie," accept responsibility for her actions, get some help and clean up her act.

"No more parties," he said.

"Like I'm Tara Reid?" she asked. "It's so hard to get me out of my house."

"And go to bed by nine o'clock," he said.

"I've got to go on tour," she countered.

Stern said it was more important for her to clear this matter up first, and that she should quit drinking, smoking and taking prescription pills. He suggested Love read the works of Dr. John E. Sarno, author of "The Mindbody Prescription: Healing the Body, Healing the Pain," which posits that most pain has a basis in the mind and that understanding the way it works can reduce the need for pharmaceuticals.

Love suggested in turn that Stern read "Disruptive Divas," a study of feminist icons in music, including herself. She argued that she had suffered serious physical pain and required painkillers for valid medical reasons. She claimed she had shattered her hips twice. Her last reported major injury, however, was a hurt ankle in July 2000 that caused her to pull out of director John Carpenter's "Ghosts of Mars."

"OxyContin is such the buzz word of the day. It's just Percocet without the aspirin in it," Love said. "I certainly take it with a doctor's guidance, a small amount when I'm in pain. You're not the boss of me. Let's let the doctors decide."

Whenever Love tried to address the incident that had launched her current legal troubles, claiming once again that it was her house she broke into and that she hadn't been on any drugs at the time (see "Courtney Love Rushed To Hospital For Drug OD Following Arrest"), Stern admonished her to stop living in the past and face the present.

"I didn't throw any rocks at the window. I kicked in the door because I didn't have the key!" she insisted. "It's my house! How would you like it? A kick in the door and you lose your kid, over nothing? Over an Ambien and some pills?"

Stern said she should just tell the judges she had no excuse for her failure to appear, do as her lawyers advise her and dress conservatively.

"This is absurd," she said. "I went to rehab for 30 days. I'm great in court. I'm good with judges. Stop it."

"You have to get to court," Stern responded.

Love is scheduled to call in to "The Howard Stern Show" again Friday morning.