HOLLYWOOD — "Dude, don't ask if I'm wasted," Jack Black requested as he meandered down the leopard-skin carpet at Wednesday's "School of Rock" premiere. "I'm just slow and naturally stony."
Stony he may be, but the comedian was still the life of the party, striking rock-star poses for the paparazzi (including rolling over on his back like a dog) and cracking reporters silly.
"This isn't really going to air on CNN is it?" he asked before thumb-wrestling another interviewer.
As both an accomplished actor and singer, Black brought friends from both worlds to the famed Cinerama Dome, including Tenacious D cohort Kyle Gass, the Osbournes, "Swimfan" star Jesse Bradford, and members of No Doubt, Incubus, Linkin Park and Dashboard Confessional. (Click for photos from the premiere.)
Ozzy Osbourne, who wore his pink hair in braids, was chatty at the premiere but kept getting interrupted by Sharon sticking her finger in his nose. "Stop f---ing around!" he scolded her at one point.
"Seriously, I think they should have a modern music class," Ozzy said. "I mean, when I was in school, the only music was on a f---ing recorder."
The Osbournes were popular with reporters, but it was the kids who co-star in "School of Rock," which features Black as a struggling rocker masquerading as a substitute teacher, that made the grandest entrance. They arrived in — what else? — a school bus.
The child actors were more playful than even Black, announcing what would be the only thing better than having him play their teacher in a movie: having the Wonderboy as a teacher in real life.
"He's funny," "He's friendly," "He acts like a kid," the kids yelled out, sneaking in MTV-tailored comments like "I love Beyoncé!"
But would students really learn anything under Black's guidance?
"No!" they answered in unison.
"He would come in with a hangover," said 14-year-old Kevin Alexander Clark, who plays a drummer in the movie.
Maybe so, but Black's friends believe there are some things he could teach.
"He's got a great singing voice and he can sing inwards, which a lot of people don't know he can do," Incubus guitarist Mike Einziger noted.
"Well, his parents are both rocket scientists, so [science] is in his genes," added Mike White, who wrote and co-stars in the movie. "Although I don't know if he knows anything."
Black does know a thing or two about rock, as experts like Graham Nash noted at the premiere, but the problem with teaching it is he doesn't believe the story in "School of Rock" should ever come true.
"Here's the thing," said Black, whose blue shirt matched his Adidas sneakers. "Parents are not supposed to like the rock. It's not supposed to be in schools, because that takes away the magic of rock. Rock is secret. As soon as the parents like it, it becomes uncool."
"School of Rock" opens nationwide October 3.