Dana Verde: OK, this movie threw me for a loop. Based on the trailers, I thought I was going to see a romantic comedy about a playboy who finally realizes that quality is better than quantity and settles down with one woman. Wrong! The film is actually the narration of a player's issue with having intimacy issues. It was high on drama and low on comedy and romance. Alfie, played by the gorgeous Jude Law, is a man with no morals and a suppressed conscience. He treats women like toys, and because he is so adorable, he gets away with it. Most of the film was unrealistic. Though Jude has a lot of charm, he is low on cash, and in a city like New York, not many women would find that too appealing. The film kinda flew by his relationships, so you don't get to know any of the women in his life except for Lonette (Nia Long), the girlfriend of his best friend, Marlon (the very sexy Omar Epps). I don't know who her stylist was, but Nia is way too pretty to have been dressed in such tacky outfits, and her hair — she should have gone to any salon in Harlem before she went to the set. Those sistas up there would have hooked her up.

Sienna Miller, who plays Nikki, had great style. She is Alfie's dream girl and is deeply flawed: She's bipolar. Though her moods swing, her style doesn't. Her eye makeup was on point. She had a great look. Besides that, I can't say that anything that the women wore stood out. Though Alfie brags throughout the film about his keen sense of style, it didn't show in his taste in women. The best and sexiest scene in the film is between Nia and Jude. Wow! I'll never look at pool tables the same way.


Mello:
     Basic Plot Description
    We've got the Big Mac Extra Cheese, played by pretty-boy English crumpet Jude Law, who kinda bobs and weaves through a barrage of supporting characters (Omar Epps, Nia Long, Marisa Tomei, Susan Sarandon and some unknowns), none of whom stay around long enough to really establish their characters. So our playboy extraordinaire is doin' his thing thing. I can't be mad; I'll give him credit: He dresses well, he's got some of the psychology down. But let's face it, he shags the birds because he's a pretty boy with an accent, not because his game is up to par, but let me stop hating.

  • How Did The Trailer Portray This Movie? What Did You Expect?
    I was expecting a much sappier course of events during the movie from the trailer. The trailer made it seem as if the movie centered around Law and Tomei's characters, where it was really about Law and his many encounters with different women who show him the error of his ways (which the narration gleefully beats u over the head with by the end of the movie). I honestly went in with a bit of disdain because of the trailer, but the movie itself wound up entertaining me.

  • What Was The Best Action Sequence In The Movie?
    When Alfie is describing his favorite position as Dorie (Jane Krakowski) is most skillfully illustrating it to the audience in the back of Alfie's limousine. Man, I need to get a limo — those straps looked like they could provide some leverage.

  • What Was The Most Realistic Scene In The Film?
    Definitely when the mac gets out-macked by a chick with more game than him: Liz. This is the defining point of my argument that Alfie wasn't a true mac. Although he gave it a good shot, the real mac-a-roni with the cheese woulda had Liz (Susan Sarandon) buying him nice clothes, jewelry, things of that nature. Homeboy over here catches feelings and brings her flowers to find her chillin' with another thoroughbred from her stable.

  • What Was The Most Unrealistic Scene?
    Alfie tries going to Julie's (Marisa Tomei) apartment with a bottle of Cristal, and she doesn't let him in on account of the panties she found in the garbage. So on his way out, because he's upset, he tosses the bottle. You're kidding me, right?

  • What Scene Hit Closest To Home?
    Tomei tells Law she loves him, at which point he responds with the unanimous male response, "Thanks, babe," which could just as easily be replaced with "You're so awesome, really!" or "You are so sweet" or even the classic "Hahahahaahaaahahahaaaaa! Oh, man, that was a good one."

  • Who Do You Bring To This Movie?
    You're gonna have to bring a female to this movie. Although I wouldn't advise it, it's an inevitability. Just hope that she doesn't spend all the time after the movie asking if you would ever cheat on her, and make sure to put your phone on vibrate or she'll hear the inappropriate ring tone you have for the booty call you were gonna visit if the movie didn't go well. My advice: Use any sexual scenes from the movie as an excuse to do bad things in the theater, then keep her more entertained than the movie and it's smooth sailing from there.

  • Was There Any Sex Appeal/Nudity? Anything Worthwhile?
    Sienna Miller walking around in bloomers only was definitely a highlight.

  • Most Comedic Moment?

As Alfie is trying his hardest to get these two girls to have a threesome, they just start making out in front of him, and the poor kid is sitting there dumbfounded. Hilarious.


Matt Singer:
For a movie sold on the image of the wretchedly adorable Jude Law traipsing about Manhattan cruising for chicks, "Alfie" is surprisingly depressing; nearly all of its final act is devoted to scenes of castwide remorse.

Law does a nice job in the title role that turned Michael Caine into a star in the 1966 original, and he's certainly attractive enough to realistically play a womanizer with a revolving bedroom door (though perhaps too attractive to realistically play a limo driver). This time Alfie's a Brit residing in a slightly unreal Manhattan that houses only one unattractive woman and is filled with cryptic billboards that comment on our hero's "Desire," "Wish" and "Search." Reusing Alfie's direct addresses to the camera from the original film allows Law to speak to — and flirt with — the audience, and the sheepish grin he throws our way after divulging one of his lesbian fantasies does a lot to convince the audience that he's a thoroughly lovable jerk. A chance encounter with his mortality forces him to reconsider his treasured bachelorhood, as do relationships with single mom Julie (Marisa Tomei), unstable Nikki (Sienna Miller), and saucy senior Liz (Susan Sarandon).

The movie understands Alfie's womanizing, possibly too well, as it seems entirely too focused on punishing him over and over again for his crimes. The problem isn't with the message but its execution; as one relationship after another dissolves to the sound of the melancholy Mick Jagger score, the film begins to take on the quality of a loop, ultimately offering little insight into modern relationships.


Dana, Mello and Matt appear on MTV's "Your Movie Show." Check out more about them and the show here.

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