Cledus T. Judd | Lyrics | First Redneck on the Internet

Well, Lordy, mercy, I's in a mess
My wife run off with my TV set
Didn't bother me none that she had to go
'Cept I's gonna miss all my TV shows

So I looked up to heaven, got down on my knees
An' I cried, "Dear Lord, will you help me, please?"
"I need a TV by tomorrow night
'Cos Rick Flare's involved in a talent fight"

Well I guess my tytheing finally paid off
'Cos early next mornin' shoulda seen what I saw
Reached in my over horse for my inhaler
'Cos there's a big brown box there, right in my trailer

I used my truck keys, cut open the box
I was hopin' for a Sony or a Micro box
I looked at the name and thought, "Oh my gosh!
This must be a new one called Macintosh"

Well my last TV was a whole lot wider
But this'n here come with its own typewriter
It had all the letters from A to Z
I guess, you just type in what you wanna see

Well I thought I punched up, "W.W.F."
But the TV Screen said World Wide Web
Then I broke out in a cold, cold sweat
I's the first redneck on the Internet

He was the first red neck on the Internet
A bona fide, countrified, cyber-threat
He went on line just one time
And now they won't forget
The first redneck on the Internet

It was all so new, I shoulda taken my time
But I slammed that mouse up in four-wheel drive
Last time I did so much pointin' and clickin'
I had a .22 rifle shootin' at chickens

Then, all of a sudden it occurred to me
The power I had with this fancy TV
I could get back at my ex-wife
With the touch of a button, I could ruin her life

So I got the number off her Mastercard
I bought a new lift kit and four new tyres
Then, I got on line to her bank account
Went ahead and closed that sucker out

I had her power and her water shut, slap, off
The I sent an E-mail to her dead plain boss
Lettin' him know that she told me
She'd have his job by the end of the week

He was the first red neck on the Internet
A bona fide, countrified, cyber-threat
He went on line just one time
And now they'll never forget
(Won't forget)
The first redneck on the Internet

Now the moral of the story, as a matter of fact
In a couple of days I got my TV back
She said, “She'd like to come back, as well”
I told her to go straight to AOL

Now, thank the Lord that the UPS
For droppin' that box at Cledus' address
If they ever wanna find him, it won't take long
Type www.cledus.com

To reach the first red neck on the Internet
A bona fide, countrified, cyber-threat
He went on line just one time
And now they'll never forget
(Won't forget)
He was the first red neck on the Internet
The first red neck on the Internet

Hey buck, p'preciate your help, you are the man
World Wide Web, population four zillion, Cy hoot