Chris Rock › Lyrics › No Sex

{Ladies and gentlemen of the GED class of 1999
I have one piece of advice for you
No matter what a stripper tells you
There's no sex in the champagne room
None}

{Oh there's champagne in the champagne room
But you don't want champagne, you want sex
And there's no sex
In the champagne room}

Don't go to parties with metal detectors
Sure it feels safe inside, but what about
All those niggaz waitin' outside with guns?
They know you ain't got one

If a woman tells you she's 20 and looks 16, she's 12
If she tells you she's 26, and looks 26, she's damn near 40
Take off that silly-ass hat
The O.D.B. couldn't have possibly committed all those crimes
Coolio did some of that shit

Young black men, if you go to a movie theater
And someone steps on your foot, let it slide
Why spend the next twenty years in jail
'Cause someone smudged your Puma?
Cornbread, ain't nuttin' wrong with that

No matter what you think of what I'm sayin'
Remember this one thing
There is no sex
In the champagne room

No sex in the champagne room
No sex in the champagne room
No sex in the champagne room
No sex in the champagne room
No sex in the champagne room
No sex in the champagne room
Absolutely, positively, no sex in the champagne room

If a homeless person, has a funny sign
He hasn't been homeless that long
A real homeless person
Is too hungry, to be funny

If a girl has a pierced tongue
She'll probably suck your dick
If a guy has a pierced tongue
He'll probably suck your dick

Here's a horoscope for everyone
Aquarius, you're gonna die
Capricorn, you're gonna die
Gemini, you're gonna die twice
Leo, you're gonna die
Scorpio, you're gonna die fucking
Ohh yeah
No one goes to hooters for wings
No no no

If you've been dating a man for four months
And you haven't met any of his friends
You are not his girlfriend

Some of the things I've said may not apply to you
Some of the things I've said may offend you
But no matter who you are, you must remember this one thing

No matter what a stripper says
There's no sex in the champagne room
None

No sex in the champagne room
Said no sex in the champagne room
No sex in the champagne room
No no sex in the champagne room
No sex in the champagne room
Can't get none
Can't have none
In the champagne room
Said there's absolutely, positively
No sex in the champagne room

Said no, no
Said no
Said Chris said.
There ain't no sex
In the champagne room
No no no
Can't get none
Can't have none