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October 2000
Deciding Whether and When to Have Sex:
Your Sexual Health Checklist
It's a tough call: deciding whether to have sex for the first time ever, or for the first time in a new relationship. To put together a checklist of key questions that'll help in making this decision, we asked experts on sexuality and sexual health and talked to young women and men, ages 18-21. This is what we found out:
Checklist Item #1: Is it your decision?
The experts tell us that the first step is to honestly ask yourself if you are ready, emotionally, for having sex. Barbara Huberman, Director of Sexuality Education at Advocates for Youth in Washington, DC, says young people can ask themselves:
- 'Is this truly my decision, or is someone pressuring me or am I doing it to be part of a crowd?'
- 'How will I feel about myself after?'
- 'Will I feel proud of this decision? Will I feel comfortable telling it to someone I really care about?'
Young people who've been there agree. "I was insecure at the time with myself, and I did it and then I thought about it I was afterwards like, why did I just do that, it didn't feel good," said one young woman. Another woman told us: "I don't feel like I was tricked into having sex, but when I first had sex, I didn't know I was going to have sex, and it was like, once we got into it, and just so many things were happening, he just kind of slid it in on me, so I was very, very naive, and I just didn't know, you know that he was going to do that."
Checklist Item #2: Do you know the facts?
If you are thinking about losing your virginity, you need the 411 up front on what sex is really like and on the risks from unprotected sex for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and pregnancy. While sex with the right person at the right time can be wonderful, it doesn't always work out that way. There are risks:
- Ten percent of all teen girls 15-19 - or 19 percent of sexually active teen girls the same age - become pregnant every year.1
- One in three folks infected with HIV don't know they are infected.2
- During the time a youth is in high school, there will be more than 15 million STD cases among teens, or nearly four million cases among teens every year.3,4
Want to find out more about your risks of getting an STD or of unintended pregnancy? Surf the Web and visit factual sites like Kaiser Family Foundation's sexual health site (www.itsyoursexlife.com).
Checklist Item #3: Do you believe popular myths about who's "clean?"
We found out that many young people think they know who's "clean" and who's not-who's "safe" to have sex with without a condom. Do you think you can tell by looking or by reputation who probably has an STD and who doesn't? If so, you're not alone. Listen to these young people:
- "If I trust the person, I've been with the person for a long time, then I'm not going to probably use [a condom]."
- "One thing regardless it's like the one question I always ask is are you a virgin? You know and then it's like once you got that question out if she says yeah, then you know that everything's cool."
- I "protected [myself in] all of the relationships except for the ones that I was completely monogamous in. You know those relationships that I knew for a fact that the person was completely cool cause that person lived with me twenty-four seven which I could trust that person."
- "Most guys that I'm with, it's like I know them from a long time ago or that I probably like kicked it with them before, or …know them from school or something like that, those are the kind of guys that I'm more with, so I already know basically some of the things about them already, and I know what kind of type of person they are."
Turns out, these young people are repeating a popular myth. Before you decide to have sex, you should know the facts: that you can't tell by looking who has an STD and who doesn't. Because STDs often show no symptoms, many people who are infected don't even know it. Just how many are infected? There are 4 million cases of STDs like herpes or chlamydia among teens and 6 million cases among 20-24 year-olds every year.4 According to our calculators, that means one in three people who have had sex will get an STD by age 24. The only way to know for sure is to get tested (Call the National STD hotline at 1 800 227-8922 or the Planned Parenthood hotline at 1-800-230-PLAN to find a free or low-cost clinic in your area).
Checklist Item #4: Have you talked to your partner?
With the risks that are out there, many young people today realize that they need to talk to their partner first about birth control, protection from STDs, and more. So are they having those conversations about sexual issues? We wanted to find out.
The answer that many young people are hesitating to talk to their partner about these issues before sex. We found out that more than a third of teens 13-18 who have had sex say they have never talked with a sexual partner about preventing pregnancy (34%) or disease (40%).5 About one in five of those who talked about either birth control or STDs did so only after having sex.5 But one of the best ways you and your partner can protect yourselves is to talk about these issues before having sex. When you talk about it, you may decide you're really into each other but want to get close without having sex and taking the risks that go with it. Your options include "engaging in sexual behaviors that carry no risk of transmitting sexually transmitted diseases" - like hugging or holding hands, according to Leslie Kantor, the Vice President of Education at Planned Parenthood New York City.
If you get into the moment, and you're feeling pressure to do something sexual you don't want to do, you still have the option to speak up. More than a third (36%) of all teens 13-18 say they have done something sexual, or felt pressure to do something sexual, they did not feel they were ready to do.5 Some people think that by starting down a sexual path, by kissing or more, you've got to "finish the job." It's your decision. Whether you are a girl or a guy, long-term or just-for-tonight, you ALWAYS get to call just how far you want to go. And when you do it.
Checklist Item #5: Are you and your partner protected?
If you make the decision to have sex, the resources below can provide information you need to know and help you get protection against STDs and unintended pregnancy. Check them out.
Hotlines and websites
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's National STD Hotline: 1-800-227-8922
This hotline will answer general questions about STDs, their symptoms, transmission, treatment and testing, and can also provide referrals to clinics and other hotlines.
CDC National HIV & AIDS Hotline: 1-800-342-AIDS
This hotline will provide information about HIV/AIDS, answer questions about testing and prevention, and will provide referrals to callers. They will also send out free literature on HIV and AIDS.
Planned Parenthood National Hotline: 1-800-230-PLAN
This hotline will automatically connect you to the Planned Parenthood Provider nearest you. Planned Parenthood offers STD testing including HIV, contraception, pre-natal and post-natal care, pregnancy options counseling, and adoption referrals.
www.teenwire.org
Planned Parenthood's teen sexual health site with information on young men's and women's bodies, how not to have sex if you don't want it, safer sex, and dealing with breaking up. It also gives referrals to local clinics.
www.itsyoursexlife.com
It's Your (Sex) Life, created by the Kaiser Family Foundation, was created for young people to learn about STDs, birth control, and other sexual health issues.
www.iwannaknow.org
A teen STD site by American Social Health Association, a non-profit dedicated to education and information on STDs.
References:
1. The Alan Guttmacher Institute, Teenage pregnancy: overall trends and state-by-state information, 1999, AGI, New York; and Henshaw SK, U.S. Teenage pregnancy statistics with comparative statistics for women aged 20- 24, 1999, AGI, New York.
2. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (1999). Statistical Projections/Trends, May 13.
3. The Alan Guttmacher Institute, Sex and America's Teenagers, New York: 1994, p.38.
4. American Social Health Association/Kaiser Family Foundation, STDs in America, 1998.
5. Kaiser Family Foundation and YM National Survey of Teens: Teens Talk About Dating, Intimacy and Their Sexual Experiences (conducted October 9-November 3, 1997).
it's your (sex) life is brought to you in partnership with the Kaiser Family
Foundation, an independent, non-profit health care philanthropy.The content
of this site was prepared by staff of the Foundation. MTV and
the Foundation have joined forces to provide information on important sexual
health issues to MTV viewers and online users. The Kaiser Family Foundation
is not affiliated with Kaiser Permanente or any other Kaiser Industries.
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