Go Online, Young Man!
Hottgrlgmr4lyfe -- a 40-year-old construction worker from Toledo who is neither "hott" nor a "grl" -- is waiting for you online. So you should probably log on. And who knows? After annihilating Hottgrlgmr4lyfe in a death match, you just might find yourself with a date.
Go Online, Young Man!
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Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon: Advanced WarfighterWith advanced warfighting techniques, it's possible to shoot some sucker in California while you're sitting on your couch in Kentucky! Mr. Tom Clancy, you are both an author and a genius.
Publisher: Ubisoft
Release Date: 2006.03.09
Platform: PC, PlayStation 2, GameCube, Xbox, Xbox 360
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Mario Kart DSScienticians, with their vaunted "facts" will have a hard time grasping the concept of giant apes piloting wacky go-karts in races where it's okay to shoot turtle shells at other racers. And to these "men of science," we say behold the wonder of Mario Kart DS.
Publisher: Nintendo
Release Date: 2005.11.14
Platform: DS
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Dead or Alive 4Truly, Dead or Alive 4 is the "breast of times" that Charles Dickens wrote about when he penned the Hooters menu. Beyond its furious 3D fighting and lightning-fast online action, Dead or Alive 4 also features female brawlers whose hobbies include sunsets, semi-naked brutality, and baking.
Publisher: Tecmo
Release Date: 2005.12.29
Platform: Xbox 360
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Halo 2Halo 2's timeless message of love -- love of killing anything that moves -- will forever echo in players' ears as they're piloting futuristic vehicles and using them to run over foes, or blowing some poor fool's head off with a shot from a sniper rifle.
Publisher: Microsoft Game Studios
Release Date: 2004.11.09
Platform: PC, Xbox
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Burnout RevengeLiving well is the best revenge? Try only if you're a major stupid-head. Take Burnout Revenge online for the most crashtastic driving game ever and feed your friends concrete divider, metal guardrail, and shattered dreams.
Publisher: Electronic Arts
Release Date: 2006.03.07
Platform: PlayStation 2, Xbox, Xbox 360
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Final Fantasy XISure, it's creepy that people pay fake money to have fake weddings in this fantasy-themed online role-playing game, but there's no denying that it is all very sweet. Especially if a huge dragon comes and eats the wedding party, allowing you to collect the loot from the dead bodies.
Publisher: Square Enix
Release Date: 2003.10.28
Platform: PC, PlayStation 2, Xbox 360
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ChromehoundsChromehounds is a lot like a well-played game of chess, just with giant killer robots running around, smashing cities, crushing humans under their giant metal feet, and generally blowing up anything that moves, as well as more than a few things that are static.
Publisher: Sega
Release Date: 2006.07.11
Platform: Xbox 360
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Fight Night Round 3Gonna fly now? More like gonna make the other guy spit up his spleen now. And remember: it's only gentlemanly to ask your esteemed opponent in this brutally fun boxing game how he likes his canvas before serving it to him.
Publisher: EA Sports
Release Date: 2006.02.20
Platform: PlayStation 2, Xbox, PSP, PlayStation 3, Xbox 360
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Rumble Roses XXA nice cross section of the female population is represented in the wrestling game Rumble Roses XX: naughty schoolgirl, saucy teacher, cowgirl, and hot cyborg. What you do with them online and in the privacy of your home we most certainly don't want to know about.
Publisher: Konami
Release Date: 2006.03.28
Platform: Xbox 360
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Table TennisThe world's most boring sport is actually quite fun when it's made into a video game. Yes, it's Pong for $40, but any competition endorsed by Tom Hanks as the mentally handcuffed Forrest Gump is one that demands playing.
Publisher: Zeppelin Games
Release Date: 2006.05.22
Platform: Commodore 64, Odyssey, Xbox 360
