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After months of research and some serious wearing out of our pause and rewind
buttons, we've discovered some surprising similarities in this year's Best
New Artist crop. But what could sensitive songwriter John Mayer have in
common with thug lady Ashanti? Well, about as much as girl rocker Avril
Lavigne has in common with Puddle of Mudd, as it turns out ...— Gil Kaufman |
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Save the Drama for Your Mama
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A full-fledged mini-movie with a story line that matches
the song's girl-done-wrong theme, complete with unrelated intro and mid-video
spoken-word interlude.
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Cinema verite look at the average day in the
life of a bad-girl teen — hanging out at the mall, jamming out at the
skate park, pretending to pee in public.
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"Kramer vs. Kramer"-style custody battle between
rocker and ex-wife, whose tattooed meanie boyfriend yells at her kid. Warm
and fuzzy shots of singer and son frolicking in the park.
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The touching tale of four young men, 24 rock-hard abs and the
synchronized dance routine and matching track suits that brought them all
together.
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He's like, this guy who plays guitar and stuff.
The sparkly Christmas lights behind him are supposed to symbolize the
universe, or something.
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Have I mentioned Me?
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Singer's name and label flash onscreen at the beginning of the
clip; song title flashes onscreen at the end. Bonus points for mentioning
the singer's name and label in the song itself.
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Steers clear of self-reference.
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No reference to self, but points deducted for singer sporting
a Led Zeppelin T-shirt.
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They mention their name in the song, their nicknames flash on the screen
and, um, we talked about the abs already, right? 1,000,000 points!
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Stares up wistfully at his name on the marquee of the venue.
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Breakin' the Law
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Her man is up to no good, it seems, judging by his cash cummerbund.
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Gross abuse of a hot dog mascot, running up and down escalator,
swimming in a mall pool and we mentioned the fake urination in public.
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Evil stepdad seen scowling in a car with an open Budweiser.
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Color-coordinated outfits, nicknames like J-Boog ... technically not illegal, though.
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If earnestness is a crime ...
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Extreme Sports quotient
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Not unless you consider sipping Cristal and cheating on a down
ass chick to be extreme.
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Skateboarding, boxing, demolition derby, acrobatic dunking on
a kid's basketball net and some BMX action. Totally gnarly, dude.
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Skateboarding, extreme swing set, monkey bars and trampoline
action.
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Mild breakdancing, but you better believe they didn't get those abs
sitting around watching the Gravity Games on ESPN2.
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Dude, John's extremely ... well dressed?
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Fashion Faux Pas
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Wifebeaters, for all my friends! And what's with that Pocahontas
look?
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Wifebeaters, men's ties and leg warmers on the arm. Does Punky
Brewster know someone's been raiding her closet?
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Baggy shorts, backwards baseball caps, ubiquitous
wifebeaters, gas station attendant shirts. Um, is this a Limp Bizkit video?
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Denim headbands, electric blue matching tracksuits, green wool hoodies,
and, of course, wifebeaters. They're the Dixie Chicks of R&B!
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When they said "dress up" for your video they didn't mean
like you were going to the symphony with your folks. And by the way, where's
the wifebeater?
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