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"The Real World" has given us lots of compelling characters and story lines over the years. But few have been quite as memorable or as timely as the story of Danny and Paul.
Danny Roberts was a Georgia boy, fresh out of school in early 2000, who figured living in a house in New Orleans and having his life filmed 24/7 might be fun. But fun turned to drama turned to paranoia because of Danny's new boyfriend, a U.S. Army captain known only as "Paul." Because of the military's policy of "Don't ask, don't tell," which bars openly gay service, Paul could not reveal his identity. So, thanks to "The Real World" producers' solution, he became "the guy behind the blur." To this day all we've ever seen of Paul is a blurred-out face and clothing.
That all changes on the MTV News Now special "Out in the Real World," when Paul finally unveils himself. The show includes never-before-aired footage of Paul's arrival at the house in New Orleans, and features Paul and Danny talking about how their relationship became a nervous existence of constantly worrying whether their secret would be found out, with Paul's career — and possibly his safety — on the line. How many of our relationships could survive that kind of tension? But theirs not only survived, it's stronger because of it.
Check out "Out in the Real World," and these letters written to you, by two guys with a unique and inspiring story.
Click here for airtimes.
- John Norris
*****
Danny's Letter: A Face To Show
When "Real World New Orleans" aired in 2000, a lot of media outlets
hailed Paul as "finally putting a face" to the issue of the military's "Don't ask,
don't tell" policy that became so associated with us
as a couple. When we first met and I subsequently did
the show, I had no clue that the issue would become
such an overwhelming focus around us, nor did I even
personally know much about the policy. I was just
like most of America's young people, that is, unaware
of what the military had to say about gays.
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"Finally, I can say that today we have made the decision to literally put a face with the issue and share one story of how misunderstanding and discrimination directly affect people's lives. "
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But when we met in December of 1999, I began a major
transformation in my life that affected so many areas
of my being. One major way was that I quickly
learned a deep lesson about the policy and what it
means for so many people in our country. In fact, I
learned a deep, personal lesson that so few have or ever will experience. Having lived in New Orleans behind the lens forced me into the public
light and a huge part of that was dragging the one I
loved into something that neither of us was ready for
or willing to deal with at the time. To tell the
truth, it was a pretty stressful and confusing time in
both of our lives. We both went from living our own
separate, unassuming lives to suddenly representing a
social, religious and political issue through a pop-culture filter. From that point on, I began absorbing the meaning of the policy from all standpoints, and ultimately understood it's so wrong in so many
ways and so against what we are as a
nation.
Finally, I can say that today we have made
the decision to literally put a face with the issue
and share one story of how misunderstanding and
discrimination directly affect people's lives. What I
really want you all to see through this is that in the
big picture, this isn't only about us and the
military's policy of "Don't ask, don't tell." It's
ultimately about thousands of people out there whose
lives are so negatively affected in so many ways when
a minority is looked down upon by a cruel majority.
Thanks for the support and much love,
Danny
*****
Paul's Letter: A Good Day To Stand
I can remember what I was doing the day someone died
by being strung up to a fence because of who he was. It wasn't
the day that I thought "I need to stand up for who I
am."
Probably I should have.
I can remember what I was doing the day someone died
by being beaten to death with a bat by a fellow
soldier who had given an oath to protect and serve all
values that our great nation holds dear. It wasn't
the day that I thought "I need to fight the injustices
that are happening to others."
It would've been a good fight.
A couple of years later I met the love of my life and
again someone else took the burden of advocate, not
only dealing with being "out to America" but also
providing the nation a "pop culture" look at the
military's "Don't ask, don't tell" policy.
Recently I realized that I've been sitting on the
sidelines, living a life riding on the shoulders of
others. We all have. I've always believed that even
a little can help, so it's my time to walk down a road
that has already been paved by so many before me:
Matthew Shepard, Barry Winchell, Leonard Matlovich,
Pedro Zamora and James Dale (to name just a few).
Ten years after the "Don't ask, don't tell" policy was
enacted by the U.S. military, the nation (unlike the
policy) has changed so much. I believed "for the
better," but if our military is a reflection of our
society, then why is there so much intolerance and
hate in the military? Probably my beliefs were a
little optimistic and we have a lot of work ahead of us
or probably the military has a lot of catching up to
do.
"When Americans went to the Vietnam Memorial to
remember and honor those who gave their lives
fighting ... it never occurred to them that some of
those who were the strongest, bravest and most heroic
were also GAY." - Leonard Matlovich
Why does an institution deny some individuals' basic desire to serve
their country? If you can't answer this question then
you can see the need to abolish a policy that
theoretically was a step in the right direction (10
years ago) and start demanding a new policy that
reflects the views or our tolerant society. A lot of
growing can happen in 10 years, but this policy hasn't
budged an inch. This is a fight into which I have chosen to
throw my punches, and I believe that it is important
to see a face attached to the words.
I challenge each of you to choose your fight and
believe that it's a good day to stand for what you
believe is right.
"Awareness and education can be time-consuming and
slow — but well worth the effort." - Judy Shepard
Paul
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Photo: MTV News
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