|
 |
Browse Bands by Name
|
|
Or enter a band name below to search:
|
 Bands Main
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Anyone who has spent any time with Infest knows the inside of Shaddix's head can be a dark place. Too much partying, too little sleep, too much time away from loved ones and too many occasions where he's felt like a consumer product has made the vocalist bitter and angry, and as evidenced by his hurling episodes, Shaddix isn't very good at keeping his poisons inside. In "Decompression Period" he sings about the emptiness and desperation of being on the road too long: "Night after night we are falling apart/ Now it's two broken bottles and four empty hearts."
One of the bleakest songs on Lovehatetragedy is "Black Clouds," which was written about a European tour that Shaddix barely survived. Feeling misunderstood, overwhelmed and emotionally bankrupt, he wrote, "My emotions are storming, and tears fall like rain/ Pain strikes like lightning/ Despair is becoming my friend/ I'm pushing myself to a point of self-destruction."
"It's about being confused and having black clouds following me," Shaddix said. "I'm looking for something good and I can't find it. It was probably about the darkest period of my life, ever. The only time I liked my life was when I was on that stage. Everything else I was just completely sick of."
Sometimes Shaddix reveals almost too much in his lyrics, making the listener feel like an eavesdropper at an intense counseling session. Several tracks on Lovehatetragedy address the singer's marital problems, including the first single, "She Loves Me Not," in which Shaddix returns to his earlier rapping style for the verse: "I hesitate to tell her I hate this relationship/ I want out today, this is over/ Line for line, rhyme for rhyme/ Sometimes we be fighting all the g--damn time."
"It's funny because 'She Loves Me Not' and 'Time and Time Again' are both about my relationship with my wife, [Kelly], and those are two of her favorite songs on the record," Shaddix said. "Being in a band and being a rock star, I gotta put a lot of energy and emotion into what I do. I'm always gone and I'm always on the road, and that's really hard on a relationship. So we fight, and I know I can be a di--. But as much as I'm a di--, I'm also a nice guy. I really recognize the duality in my life and in the world in general. It's like, you got the good, the evil, the love, the hate, the nice guy and the di--head. It's sad sometimes that I am a di-- to my lady, but sometimes she's a bitch to me."
Shaddix knows he's a loose cannon. He understands he's got anger and self-esteem issues to work on and relationship damage to repair. That doesn't mean he's gonna suddenly turn emo, but at least he's aware of his problems. Fortunately even in his bleakest moments there's always a hint of hope. While he's palpably despondent when he croons, "Black clouds, they rain down," he ends the line by noting, "But they won't kill the sun." And though he sings about his fractured relationship with his wife, the couple had their first child together, Makaile Cielo Shaddix, earlier this year, which suggests they're optimistic enough about their future.
As the interview drew to a close, Shaddix summed up the dichotomy that churns within. It wasn't when he mentioned that he wakes up in the morning next to Kelly he feels complete, and it wasn't when he griped about the vapidity of the pop music scene. No, his true colors shined most clearly when he talked about the items he considers essential for road survival.
"First and foremost, I've got a little photo album of my baby," he beamed. "Every day I just look at it and go, 'You're so cute, man. I love you.' " He paused and grinned for a few long seconds. Then the smile vanished as he concluded, "And then I also need a bottle of vodka."
|
|
|
|
Photo: DreamWorks
|
|
|
|
