-- Shaheem Reid, with additional reporting by Sway Calloway
"Man, I'm hurt," Nas said in December, days before his fifth LP, Stillmatic, hit stores. He was knee-deep in controversy over his battle with Jay-Z, and many questions were still unanswered about his career. Everything was piling up.
"My mind goes," he continued. "It takes me on wild trips. I got a lot of issues that I deal with myself, with Nas. ... I mean, I'm cool, but sometimes I put a lot of pressure on myself — and sometimes it breaks me down, or sometimes I need little pep talks to myself — just as a man and where I wanna be in my life."
Where Nas wanted to be was back on top. He had to prove to the world that he was the messiah, prophet and second coming, the perennial "next big thing" the fans and music critics heralded him as in 1994 with the emergence of his absorbing first album, Illmatic. Other soloists would make their presence felt later that year with their own debuts — Notorious B.I.G., Method Man, Busta Rhymes. Nas' poetic opus would act as the measuring stick. It would also cast a formidable shadow over Nas' subsequent records.
"I've come full circle with my music," Nas said before Stillmatic's release. "I've always been hearing it from the critics: 'Nas' first album was a classic.' 'Can he do that again?' 'I don't like his [new] album.' Or, 'He went commercial' or 'pop.' People always ask me, 'Is Stillmatic gonna be like Illmatic?'
"My answer is, when I made Illmatic, I was a little kid in Queensbridge trapped in the ghetto. My soul was trapped in the Queensbridge projects. The hip-hop media lied to me and said there was no world outside of Queensbridge: 'Stay there.' I chose to search for the truth, journey out, bring the truth back to Queensbridge, and that's my mission. That's always gonna be my mission. ... "
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