Dave: Thank god. That's because I'd been sober for a while. And could look at it in a different light. When you're right in it, it's impossible, and I think you have to see the kind of, insanity of it. I think that was because at the time in those particular times that I'm talking about, I wasn't serious enough about trying to get clean. It was, "I'll clean up for a bit, and then I'll be well enough to be able to go out and do it again." And it, time after time, it got worse and worse. And you know it's true what they say, you go back. If you get clean for a while and you go back, nine times out of ten you'll pick up exactly where you left off. And for me, I have to consider the fact that that possibly means death, you know. And that's not an option now in my life...

I have too much to lose. I have a wonderful son that I don't want to grow up with that in his life. I think if I can't stay clean for myself, I have to remember the people around me... I have a girlfriend who I love very much and care about very much who's been incredibly supportive to me, and I've been very selfish over the last eight months with her as well, but I need to change that. I need to change a lot of things about me, and it's not gonna happen overnight. But if I do just take it one day at a time, and I hate to use all the cliches and stuff in the program, but they work you know, that's why they're there. I'd rather be throwing out cliches than be the dead cliche (laughs).

John: There was the thing in the interview about the whole Kurt Cobain thing, and your envy, or fascination. Is it going too far to say that you had a conscious kind of death wish or is it just that there was something appealing about that monster?

Dave: Yeah. For sure. I think it was all fear-based. All of it. Fear of losing what I felt was really important to me. Dissolving into something that other people uh, didn't enjoy to be around anymore. It created this ideal that what I was was what people wanted therefore I was trying to please everybody else and completely forgot about David. And when I tried to find David, it was too late.

I think there was a number of times when in different ways I attempted suicide you know. But I think that they were more cries for help really, now that I think about it, because I'd always make sure there was enough people around me so that someone was gonna' come pick me up from the floor at some point and I'd be picked up from the Sunset Marqius and rushed off to hospital again.

I feel lucky. I feel very fortunate and grateful and lucky that I've had that in my life. There's a lot of addicts out there who are in meetings, who don't have that. You know, they don't have people around them that will pick them up every time that they fall down. You know, I think I would have been dead long ago if I didn't have people around that wanted to keep, for whatever reason, they wanted to keep David alive. You know, it was lucky they were there and for whatever reason they were trying to keep this body moving. Whether it was to make another record or whatever, I don't really care about that anymore. There was a time when I kind of resented that and I used that as, like, "Well they only want me to get clean so I can make another record." Yeah exactly, I'd use any f**king excuse if I broke my shoelace in the morning I'd go and get high, you know? I'd be, "F**k it's Sunday." I hate Sundays, you know.

John: Wow. Well, let me ask you about the time you were in New York, and your feelings about the band... at the time were you eager to get back to a new record or were the drugs so much a part of your life that it was just, whatever...

Dave: Um, it was I was in and out, sometimes I was very kind of enthusiastic about it, usually when I was coming down and miserable, you know but um, if I'm gonna be honest it was.... I dunno, I kind of like... it helped me in a way because I realised what I didn't want to do, was just before I'd even give it the chance, just die... or something and I was gonna end up dead without even giving it the chance, and um... actually working at it and doing this record especially in the last eight months or so, it's really helped me a lot, therapeutically, you know Martin's lyrics and stuff um, the songs being fundamentally about destiny, you know it's kind of spooky.