|
 |
Browse Bands by Name
|
|
Or enter a band name below to search:
|
 Bands Main
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
March 3, 2004
What's our next story?
I had a meeting with my producers to talk about what
our next show should be about. We just did one on
dating and trying to find our next idea is always
tricky. But I think it's obvious, I really want to do
an episode about body and self image. It's strange
sitting in a meeting with people you work with and
talking about the most personal details of your life.
We speak as if I'm not really in the room, as if
SuChin were another person. It's the only way I can
really objectively pitch story ideas and not fell
weird about. All of this is so new to me, and it
scares me and I feel like I'm always making a huge
mistake putting my life out there. I'm used to doing interviews, I'm used to standing in the studio and devlivering the day's news. The thought of putting my family out there, of airing all of my personal demons on television still makes me wake up at night. I'm not sure if I'll ever get used to this. After the first episode, I really didn't think I could do another one. People in elevators would ask about my MOM…..and I would completely freak out and get really defensive, because, hey, who wants anyone talking about your mom, right? Or I had a girl at Starbucks ask me if I was still with my boyfriend…..ummmm, "none of your business." Well, that's not what I said, but that's what I was thinking. But then I would get these letters from people who saw the show and they would tell me these amazing stories and wanted to connect and share with others that understood exactly what they were talking about. One girl emailed me to tell me about the time her mother thought she wanted to join a girl gang when she was rushing for a sorority in college. It's insane that this is the first show I've ever seen, speaking to people our age, about the experience of growing up in two different cultures, because so many of us live these lives and all of us at least know someone close who can relate to this.
Posted by Suchin | NYC 10036 | Past Entries | Contact Me
March 4, 2004
Eyelid Surgery
I feel pretty good about the way I look. I'm not too
self conscious about much, but my whole life, there
was one thing that I wish I could change….the shape of
my eyes. It's the most common surgery among Asians,
both here and in Asian countries, to have "double
eyelid surgery". Most Asians are born without creases
on their lids. If you're not Asian, you probably have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about….that's because you have a crease. Just look at a picture of the eyes of a non Asian and then look at an Asian person's eyes. What's the difference? Of course one is bigger, but do you notice a "crease", a "fold" in the eyes of the non Asian? It's insane because it's so not noticeable, to most people, it's like a centimeter of skin. But having a crease in your eyelid, makes your eyes look bigger. My whole life, that's something that my family would talk about.
We'd get together for a big family occasion and
ALWAYS, EVENTUALLY, the conversation would turn to
when SuChin was getting her eyelid surgery. I also
have this huge scar on my right eye, from a childhood
accident and it was always like, "Hey pass the spinach
SuChin when are you going to get rid of that scar and
get your eyelids done are you finished with the salt?"
It didn't make me feel bad. I know that it's really
un-PC, that most people would see that as really
offensive and unhealthy for a kid, but it really
wasn't. It was such a common topic of conversation
with my family and with all of my other Asian friends
and their families…it's just as common as talking
about where you're going to college or if you're going
to cut your hair, it's just that common. I think if I
felt really bad about it, my parents would have
stopped talking about it, it never made me feel bad
though. I think I probably would've developed a
complex with or without my family talking about it. I
didn't feel like my eyes were too small when I was
home, it was when I was at school or watching movies
or looking in magazines. This isn't an episode about
body image, as much as it is about SELF image, how you
PERCEIVE the way you look. What do you FEEL when you
look in the mirror? I just wanted to fit in more, I
just didn't want to stand out as much.
Posted by Suchin | NYC 10036 | Past Entries | Contact Me
March 7, 2004
Mom and Dad
Went home to see mom and dad. I'm not quite sure they
like being on TV, in fact, I pretty sure they hate it. Thankfully, they don't have MTV, actually they don't have a TV at all….well, sort of, they've got an old TV hooked up to a VCR to watch Korean soap operas.
That's the extent of television in my house. We sat
around and talked about eye lid surgery and how it was
always a topic of conversation around the dinner
table. When I was in high school, I used to put
scotch tape on my eyelids to create a fold. I'd
actually go out like that, like no one would notice
that I've got freaking tape on my eyelids. I also
used to sleep with them on because I thought I could
actually "train" my eyes to fold naturally. It didn't
work. It cracks me up that I used to go through all
this trouble, but is it so much different than getting
up 2 hours early for school to put on your make up,
tease your hair, coordinate your outfits with friends
(all of which I did as well) and generally obessess
over the way you look? Now, whenever my mom looks at
me on TV or in pictures, they always joke, "oh, you
had a good eye day" or "oh, that's a bad eye day, you
should stop smiling so much." But mostly, they're
really happy that I didn't go through with the
surgery, I think they realized that they raised a
really healthy daughter, someone who's pretty happy
with herself and I think it makes them really proud.
My mom has a natural crease in her eye, by Asian
standards, her eyes are big. But it's funny because
to a non Asian, her eyes are just as small as mine, we
have small eyes, WE"RE ASIAN! It's completely a
cultural thing, it's not like having liposuction or a
boob job, it's not about being vain, so much as it is
about the influence of Western beauty on other
cultures. The standard of beauty is dictated by
people who don't look like us.
Posted by Suchin | NYC 10036 | Past Entries | Contact Me
March 13, 2004
Jane
We found her. We found the perfect girl who
understands exactly what I'm talking about. It wasn't
easy. Jane is incredible. She's totally normal. You
know what I mean? Like, I got a million emails and
letters from girls who wanted eye jobs, boob jobs and
wore blue contacts. That's not what I wanted, I
wanted someone who was struggling with the shape of
her eyes. I wanted someone who was genuinely torn
between getting the surgery and not. Jane is not a
vain person. She's been thinking about this for
years, she waited until she was out of college and has
really come to the decision to get the surgery after a
lot of soul searching. She's walking that fine line
between holding on to her culture, and fitting into
the American world around her. She's not doing this
because she wants to be "white", or because she's
trying to erase her Asian-ness. I'm not sure I agree
with that, entirely. I definitely don't think we
thought about this because we want to look white.
That's impossible. I'll never look like Gwentyh
Paltrow and I don't want to look like her. But there
is a sense that we are trying to erase something….what
that is is so much more complicated than our "slanty"
eyes. I think we're trying to "erase" the feeling of
shame and embarrassment, from all those kids that
teased us growing up, from. Jane says that she always
felt "vulnerable" because of her eyes and I totally
connect to that, like that's the one thing people
always made fun of me for. I could buy all the
designer clothes, cut my hair, wear the perfect pair
of shoes or hang out with the coolest people, but you
can always get me on my "chinky" eyes. There's real
truth in that, real honesty about what she feels,
about what I feel.
Posted by Suchin | NYC 10036 | Past Entries | Contact Me
|
|
|
|
Photo: MCA
|
|
|
|
