Greedy Graffiti is an authentic cartoon rapper with lyrics like Jay and a body like Arnold. However, instead of Jay-Z and Arnold Schwarzenegger, it should be noted that we’re referring to talk show host Jay Leno and Arnold from the 1970’s sitcom Diff’rent Strokes.
“Yes, I’m short, but what I lack in height, I make up for in hilarity, hijinks, humbleness, and girth,” the rapper recently admitted during an emotional interview with Barbara Walters, a fictional reporter who does not exist and is unrelated to the host of The View.
Influenced by the authentic street-hardened sounds of such old school hip-hop luminaries as Kool G Rap, Big Daddy Kane, and Carly Rae Jepsen, Greedy Graffiti has emerged on the scene to battle lyrical wackness while upholding his steadfast beliefs in the notions of truth, justice and the freedom to receive two for one lap dances on Tuesdays.
Though he is frequently joking, his skills are no laughing matter. He makes his own beats, scratches his own records, and writes his own raps as well as bios. The aforementioned bios are usually written in the third person to give the illusion that someone else, such as a high-powered major label publicist, wrote it for him.
“I like to offend people with my music. If I can offend just one person with each song, then I’ve done my job,” Greedy Graffiti recently told his high-powered major label publicist, who is totally a real person and not just Greedy Graffiti pretending to be a high-powered major label publicist in an attempt to sound important.
During the crucial formative years of his childhood, Greedy Graffiti’s mother tried to make him the center of a bitter custody battle, but since she had no clue who his father was, she ended up having to keep him anyway.
When asked about his childhood and personal life, he avoided the question.
“I can’t say too much just yet because I hope to eventually be the subject of a semi-autobiographical movie of the week for the Lifetime channel with Sally Field in the title role. I don’t want to reveal any spoilers, but in the movie, I have an affair with a sparkly vampire and then the two of us end up in a love triangle with a werewolf, and it takes me a super long time to choose between the two of them. Basically, it’s Citizen Kane meets Horny Milfs 8.”
And though the previous paragraph is a complete falsehood, Greedy Graffiti plans to start working on an animated pilot as soon as he finishes recording his debut album.
The diminutive rapper has already released several videos that are hilarious in his opinion. “Face Brag", a funny social commentary on annoying Facebook posts, is one of his favorites.
“Face Brag” features the voice talents of Bevin Prince, who is best known for her role as Bevin Mirsey on the show One Tree Hill. Bevin has also guest starred on House and Desperate Housewives.
Coincidentally, Greedy Graffiti also admits to being a huge fan of desperate housewives, but he is quick to point out that he’s not talking about the show.
GREEDY GRAFFITI: ask for him by name for all your comedy rap and animation needs.