“As a child, I was abused by my birth father. He would abuse my mother physically and verbally. There were times I was always going to the hospital to get surgery done to my face from all the deep wounds and bruises I had. Later on my two twin brothers were born. My birth father would abuse them also. He always used the metal belt buckle to hurt us more than his hands. We all moved out of New York and lived in Virginia. It wasn’t long before my birth father started abusing us again. I remember how I would have night terrors and was always afraid of going to sleep because he would come in at night. He always punched me in the face, broke my nose a few times. The very last time I saw my birth father was when he beat up my mother very badly before my brothers and I went to school. At that time we had a family member stay with us, she hit him from the back to stop him from hurting my mother. He got a knife out the kitchen draw and tried to kill my mother and cousin in front of us. We were so scared. When the police came, he took off.
After the incident with my birth father, my mother, brothers, and I moved again to a different part of Virginia. My mother started dating this guy and every night he would rape her. My brothers and I were terrified of what was going on. We could never sleep hearing the sounds of my mom saying stop. After they broke up, we moved again. My mom dated another guy who was always in and out of jail. She got pregnant with him the first time and had my other brother and the next year she had my sister. Our house was broken into and they stole everything. My mom believes still to this day that it was her boyfriend’s family or friend who did it. My mother and the five of us children became homeless; we were always on the street or living in a hotel. One day, when we were in the hotel, a man walked in with my mother and she said this is our new daddy. If we called him by his first name, we would get a beating.
Daddy, been with us for a long time. He took care of us for awhile. Sometimes my mother and he fought and he would leave then come back. When I was seven, he came in the room I shared with my siblings every night and touched me inappropriately. I started elementary and told some kids about what he did and they told the teachers. We had social workers come to the house and talk to the family. My mother didn’t believe me. She beat me because she said I was lying. Then we end up moving again. My mother had the last child, my brother. She went to get her tubes tied and decided to not have any more kids; now there was six of us. I would catch daddy, always being around my sister to closely. He always woke her up between 2am-4am and took her a bath.
My mother started getting sick with different types of medical conditions. My mother has diabetes, lupus, fibromyalgia, and etc. My mother was in and out of hospitals and always taking medication. After my mother would take her medicine, the medicine puts her to sleep. When my mother is sleep, that when he would go in my sister’s room. While dealing with everything at home, school was very bad for me. I always been an honor roll student, but I was always bullied. Never really had friends, I was more of the quiet type. When my family moved again, he and my mother got married and he became my step father. Started going to another new school, and because I wanted to fit in, I decided to change my personality on being more open and fun. I didn’t drink or do drugs, but just became someone else.
Now that my step father is now my step father, everything changed. My mother stopped listening to her children and let him take control of everything. He would beat us and punish us for no reason. He and my mother have always fought and that made it harder for my siblings and me. I was raped at the age of thirteen and got pregnant with twins, but end up getting a miscarriage. My parents didn’t help me or get me counseling. My step father didn’t care at all. When I was sexually assaulted in high school by a boy who I thought was my friend, my parents thought I was lying. I was tortured by his friends and bullied. No one believed me because he was popular. I had no one to turn to but my grandmother and my great grandmother.
I got my first job and when I got my first pay check, my step father was taking my money, including my mother. My parents are very strict. I wasn’t able to have a social life, never got to hang out or go to movies. My step father almost got me fired from my job because he kicked me out once I told the truth about what he has done to me and my siblings. I called my job and quit because I didn’t have transportation to get there nor have anywhere to live. I was living on the streets from time to time; moving around and living in different people’s houses. I moved to Petersburg, Virginia and lived with my grandmother for 4 months. I graduated from Petersburg High School. During that summer, a man broke in my grandmother’s apartment and tried to snatch me. The police was looking for him but couldn’t find him. Few weeks later he raped me. I was pregnant and then when I went to the hospital, I found out the rapist gave with genital herpes, which killed the baby. With treatment, I no longer have it.
I was forced to live back with my parents. My step father was telling people that I was a hoe and a slut and I was never raped. I was depressed and had suicidal thoughts. My mother started getting sick and found out my step father gave her cervical cancer. He has been having sex with someone who had a STD or something. My mother doesn’t want to leave him because he supports her and my siblings. My step father kicked me out again and I had no place to go. My parents wouldn’t give me my clothes, shoes, or important documents I need. I walked around for hours trying to get help. An old friend let me spend the night at his house and his mom drove me back to Petersburg to my boyfriend’s house. I currently live with him and his aunt and uncle. My grandmother was also living by the school and always checks on me. When she got sick, I went with her to the hospital. She stayed in the hospital for a long time because she had blood clots. She was moved to another hospital in Richmond, Virginia for surgery. I found out later that she has stage 4 cancer.
Because a lot of my family does not want to help or be involved with me is that my parents lie and don’t want any more to know the truth of what’s going on in the home. Everyone in the family has gotten to see my grandmother in the hospital, no one wanted to help get me to go see her. She was released to my parents and is now there under their care. My parents changed their number so I won’t be able to talk to her or my siblings. They still won’t give me my belongings. All I have is four pairs of outfits, one pair of boots, and one pair of sneakers. Even though my family is broken, I still try to achieve my dreams. I am very determined. I’m tired of living in the past, I want a bright future. I want to see myself having a good job and having my own home. I want to help others because I experienced too much pain at a young age. I want to inspire people who are in any bad situation and show them that no matter what happened in their past, good things will come.
I’m only nineteen years old and I been through so much. The only thing that makes me happy is music and writing. Music and writing is my passion. I started singing at the age of four, wrote my first song at ten years old, and been signed to record labels and talent agencies. Currently I have my own record label; still in progress. All I want now is to be happy and be successful. I want to prove to everyone who has ever doubted me or went against. I want to show them and the entire world that I am somebody. Even after feeling like I was already in hell, my fate in God and the hard work I’ve done lead me to become stronger. I’m not going to let anyone stand in the way of reaching my goals.
I may remember the past, but I’m not going to let my past determine my future.”